A never ending battle... but please don't judge

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by 04jwilliams, Jan 26, 2013.

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  1. 04jwilliams

    04jwilliams Active Member

    Hiya just as a summary of my life i'm 20 years old. I was a member on the site 7 years ago using the same username. Basically to cut a long story short, i was physically and emotionally abused by my mum and step dad for 10 years. Both myself and my sister were on and off the child protection register for this amount of time (although my sister was never physically abused). We both went through a great deal growing up with alcoholic and drug addict (cannabis and cocaine) parents who put drink and drugs before their kids. FRom the age of 9 i was left home alone for 12 hours a day (on weekends and holidays) to vend for myself and then from 10 left alone for 12 hours a day to care for my 3 year old sister while my parents were out drinking. I was assulted numerous times by my parents and finally at the age of 15 social services took me into foster care. However this was only short term and i was soon made to go back home. Basically throughout this time i suffered from depression although i never got professional help for it but i did self harm back when i was 13. This was my life up until i was 17...
    When i was 16 i started to hang around with the wrong people got myself into drink and drugs and then at 17 i fell pregnant. Obviously i knew i had to stop the drink and drugs which i did straight away. My family were not supportive of me being pregnant and threw me out but did come round and i went back home although at this point they still had a drug and drink addiction. I was not with the father of the baby although he is kind of involved now. Anyway i had my son and he is the best thing that ever happened to me. Things were looking up and when he was 4 months old i moved out of the house and found a place of my own (which i had saved up for through working during my pregnancy) Things were going well apart from the fact i have constantly had to deal with the constant memories from my past which i dont go a day without thinking about. In sept 2011 i started at 6th form going to do my a levels to get a better future for my son. Then a year ago everrything took a massive downfall. I was with someone who was my first love. He himself had bpd and we very much supported each other (i told him everything that had happened to me) then because of where he was in his life he ended it with that, my son's dad taking me to court for custody, my past and the continual rejection from my mum since moving out because she never wanted to see me, i gave up and overdosed twice. I was unsucellful but hospitalised. I did not do this in front of my son he was at his dads house. However, because of my emotional state he was looked after by a family friend under a voluntary care order. After some help things started to look up then i got him back 7 weeks later. everything was going well until the last few months when i have lost all of my friends so i literally have nobody. Im so isolated. Im still at 6th form but dont talk to anyone the work load is ridicoulous. To top it all off my son is now in the process of being looked into for having autsim and has extremely challenging behaviour all of the time which because of the custody battle with his dad i have him full time and NEVER get a break. Im exhausted. then the icing on the cake is the fact i try and turn to my mum but shes not interested. she lives 5 mins away from me but she wont let me see her i habemt seen her in 6 weeks. I just dont know what to do everything has got too much again and im so depressed. I couldnt go back to how i was last year cos my son needs me but i cant carry on life like this. sorry for the very long post but i needed to get it out x
     
  2. Senada

    Senada Well-Known Member

    Oh hun! You've been through a lot! *many hugs from me*
    Don't really have much experience in a lot of it unfortunately.. But I do know some about autism. Feel free to pm me if you want to talk or anything.
     
  3. 04jwilliams

    04jwilliams Active Member

    Thankyou :) yes I well may do. I'm so confused with the whole process it's frustrating as it takes such a long time and I'm only at the very beginning but I know it has to be very thorough. If u have any ways in which have helped when dealing with outbursts that would really help as im so stuck cos nnothing works. Thanks x
     
  4. Senada

    Senada Well-Known Member

    Such outburts are really difficult. And there's not really any standard or correct answer on how to deal with it - kids with autism are so different. My brother (has Asperger) needed comfort more than yelling and a stressed parent, while a guy we know on the other hand needed to be yelled at and to see how frustrated his parents were.
    How far are you in the process? Does your little boy have the diagnosis yet? Do you know if and what kind of help you'll get?

    Have you read any books or seen any movies about autism? It might help. I liked the movie After Thomas, and there's also the movies in this list.
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hiyas, you have been though SO much and exposed to things at such a young age that no child should have to see! I don't really know what else to say, I guess I have replied just so you know..there are people here who do care and people that you can rely on!! Good luck to you and your son. :hug:
     
  6. 04jwilliams

    04jwilliams Active Member

    Thankyou cocacola. And senada I'm just at the beginning of the process. So far I'm waiting for a referral to be sent from my GP so that things can start moving and my son can be assessed but even up until now it's been a long ride with all the evidence ive had to gather for my GP to listen to me. It's very hard because my son is verbal so it makes it harder for anyone to take notice but finally professionals know that he is displaying many major signs of autism. Yes after Thomas is a really good film I .saw it whrn it first was showed so I'm going to watxh it again I think and I'll also get some books on autism. Thankyou so much and youre definitely right when u say every child with autism iqs different thats why it's so hard knowing how to deal with things as the way someone would deal with a typical 2 year old having a tantrum is so different to. the way u deal with it with my son as he just doesnt understand. Hes not being naughty just set I'm his way as thats how he sees things but other people cant see it like that and think hes just a naughty child. Anyway thanks again x
     
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