I wrote this poem for a therapist in 2014 and have never shared it. I bleeped out the graphic words. Even so if it's too much I understand. PS I'm not a very good poet. I wrote this as I felt at the various ages.
April 16, 2014
THE BOY
A small boy, no more than four years old, is confused
Who are these strangers? Where are Mommy and Daddy?
He has a younger sister and brother, both crying
What can he tell them? For he does not know either
Nobody tells the boy what is happening or why
The boy saw Mommy and Daddy yelling at each other
Mommy threw food at Daddy, a jar of peanut butter smashing on the wall
A can of green beans denting the wall by Daddy’s head
The rush to the bedroom with Daddy as a trashcan hits
All of us crying, so scared, what is happening?
Policemen came and took Mommy away, ambulance there
Daddy? Where are they taking Mommy?
Mommy is not well son, they are taking her to the doctor
Daddy, Mommy is not sick! She is not coughing or sneezing
She is not throwing up! Son, it is a different sickness
Now Daddy gave us away to some people the boy does not know
Why? Is Daddy sick too? Nobody will tell! Confusion!
A woman called a social worker comes and talks to the boy
This is a foster home, these people will take care of you
It is only for a short time until Daddy is better
Now the boy is very confused. The children have moved to a new foster home
Another one soon after that, but now no brother and sister.
These people are mean! They yell at the boy often
The boy is worthless, and does not deserve to live. He is choked.
The boy is so hungry, they do not give him much
The boy is sent to 11 foster homes in only a three year period
Why does nobody want him? Why does nobody love him?
The boy cries himself to sleep every night and praying
He is afraid during daylight, he will be beaten for any reason
Has God abandoned him too? Why does He not listen?
Daddy is here with a new Mommy! The boy is happy now
My new Mommy is very nice. She plays with us
The boy is in second grade now, his sister in kindergarten
The boy is very quiet and shy at school and has few friends
Other children make fun of the boy, they make him sad
Mommy and Daddy take us to Uncle Laverne’s house on weekends
He is very nice and buys the boy model cars to put together
The boy has to sleep in Uncle’s bed at night, no clothes
The boy doesn’t understand how Uncle’s p**** gets so hard
A jar of Vaseline sits on a table by the bed, scared
Uncle puts Vaseline on the boy’s ****. He puts his ****** inside
The boy screams in pain, Uncle laughs, what is happening?
Uncle pees inside of the boy’s **** and mouth, why is it white?
The boy is bleeding and in agony, Uncle continues anyway
Every weekend for three years Uncle does this, the boy afraid
The boy dares not tell anybody! Uncle tells him he cannot
He will be sent to a foster home again if he does
The boy bleeds from his ****. Mommy asks why his underwear
Is red and bloody. The boy doesn’t know he says. Difficult to walk
Mommy and Daddy say the boy doesn’t need a doctor, it will pass
Mommy has a baby, a little girl named Rebecca, cute
Why doesn’t Mommy play with the boy anymore? She is mean
The boy hates the baby, all the love goes to her
One day a social worker comes and takes the boy’s sister away
Soon the boy is taken to another foster home also
Mommy and Daddy don’t love him anymore, only the baby
The boy cries, but his new foster Daddy hits him and twists his ear
Stop crying or else he says! The boy’s ear bleeds and hurts
His foster Mommy and Daddy are from India they tell him
The boy is now in fifth grade. Again he has no friends
The social worker takes the boy downtown one day
Some people are waiting. They want to adopt the boy.
They are very nice people. What does adoption mean?
They will be the boy’s new Mommy and Daddy forever he is told
The boy does not understand. He has a Mommy and Daddy already
The boy is adopted. His new Mommy and Daddy are very nice
The boy feels safe and loved. They are very nice to him
One day after three months the social worker comes again
She tells the boy that his new Mommy and Daddy don’t want him anymore
Why? What did the boy do wrong? Daddy is sick she says
The boy is taken to a new foster home. He cries as the car leaves
The boy is scared again. What kind of people will these be?
He arrives at his new foster home. They have a baby and 3 foster brothers
They are very nice people but now the boy is angry and scared
He is very quiet and shy, not trusting anybody yet yearning to be loved
The boy argues and yells at his foster Mommy. He is scared of mommies
After a year the boy is adopted again. On his thirteenth birthday
The boy is still scared they won’t love him anymore too
He misses his brother and sister, his real Mommy and Daddy,
All his Grandmas and Grandpas are gone. His new ones nice
The boy has found his forever home but he is still scared, angry and sad
M***, I only wrote about my childhood as I remember it. I found out Uncle Laverne was not an uncle but only a Navy buddy of my real Dad. My adopted parents helped me find my brother and sister. We were all adopted by different families. I found my Grandma Taylor on my own. I remembered where she lived and drove to her house outside Madison. Grandpa Taylor died in 1985. Grandma died in 1992. I tried calling my little brother Tony but their phone was no longer in service so now I lost him.
I would rather not write any more poems. It was too hard putting these things in writing let alone poetry. It was 13 foster homes, living with Dad and step-Mother, and 2 adoptions in a 9 year period (7 years between homes) I was neglected, beaten, yelled at that I was worthless and should just die, and raped.
I have had major depression as long as I remember, becoming suicidal first at age 14. At age 30 I started having the panic attacks, so severe I had to quit my job, drop out of the university and go on disability. I have seen dozens of therapists over the years.
By the way I was raped at knifepoint when I was 17 walking home from work. It was a black man who forced me to drop my pants and lay on the ground. I begged him to kill me. He was not able to penetrate because I clamped down my **** but he put it in my mouth. I started to bite it and he poked me with the knife. I could feel the blood dripping down my back. Finally he gave up and robbed me. He stole my dad's watch and I told my dad I lost it. I was grounded for 2 weeks for that. 😣 following is me adding on:
(Since then I'm 60 so have had panic attacks for half of my life. They have become Agoraphobia and I'm afraid to go anywhere. Because of my age the doctor is weaning me off of my Klonopin and taken away my Ativan that was my security blanket. Life really sucks!!!! I see no point, if I ever did 😥 The poem doesn't cover even a 10th of what happened but i just couldn't. I must be weak-minded to let all this ruin my life. Others overcome worse!)
My last post here was December 2020. I donated $20 today, but wish it was more.
April 16, 2014
THE BOY
A small boy, no more than four years old, is confused
Who are these strangers? Where are Mommy and Daddy?
He has a younger sister and brother, both crying
What can he tell them? For he does not know either
Nobody tells the boy what is happening or why
The boy saw Mommy and Daddy yelling at each other
Mommy threw food at Daddy, a jar of peanut butter smashing on the wall
A can of green beans denting the wall by Daddy’s head
The rush to the bedroom with Daddy as a trashcan hits
All of us crying, so scared, what is happening?
Policemen came and took Mommy away, ambulance there
Daddy? Where are they taking Mommy?
Mommy is not well son, they are taking her to the doctor
Daddy, Mommy is not sick! She is not coughing or sneezing
She is not throwing up! Son, it is a different sickness
Now Daddy gave us away to some people the boy does not know
Why? Is Daddy sick too? Nobody will tell! Confusion!
A woman called a social worker comes and talks to the boy
This is a foster home, these people will take care of you
It is only for a short time until Daddy is better
Now the boy is very confused. The children have moved to a new foster home
Another one soon after that, but now no brother and sister.
These people are mean! They yell at the boy often
The boy is worthless, and does not deserve to live. He is choked.
The boy is so hungry, they do not give him much
The boy is sent to 11 foster homes in only a three year period
Why does nobody want him? Why does nobody love him?
The boy cries himself to sleep every night and praying
He is afraid during daylight, he will be beaten for any reason
Has God abandoned him too? Why does He not listen?
Daddy is here with a new Mommy! The boy is happy now
My new Mommy is very nice. She plays with us
The boy is in second grade now, his sister in kindergarten
The boy is very quiet and shy at school and has few friends
Other children make fun of the boy, they make him sad
Mommy and Daddy take us to Uncle Laverne’s house on weekends
He is very nice and buys the boy model cars to put together
The boy has to sleep in Uncle’s bed at night, no clothes
The boy doesn’t understand how Uncle’s p**** gets so hard
A jar of Vaseline sits on a table by the bed, scared
Uncle puts Vaseline on the boy’s ****. He puts his ****** inside
The boy screams in pain, Uncle laughs, what is happening?
Uncle pees inside of the boy’s **** and mouth, why is it white?
The boy is bleeding and in agony, Uncle continues anyway
Every weekend for three years Uncle does this, the boy afraid
The boy dares not tell anybody! Uncle tells him he cannot
He will be sent to a foster home again if he does
The boy bleeds from his ****. Mommy asks why his underwear
Is red and bloody. The boy doesn’t know he says. Difficult to walk
Mommy and Daddy say the boy doesn’t need a doctor, it will pass
Mommy has a baby, a little girl named Rebecca, cute
Why doesn’t Mommy play with the boy anymore? She is mean
The boy hates the baby, all the love goes to her
One day a social worker comes and takes the boy’s sister away
Soon the boy is taken to another foster home also
Mommy and Daddy don’t love him anymore, only the baby
The boy cries, but his new foster Daddy hits him and twists his ear
Stop crying or else he says! The boy’s ear bleeds and hurts
His foster Mommy and Daddy are from India they tell him
The boy is now in fifth grade. Again he has no friends
The social worker takes the boy downtown one day
Some people are waiting. They want to adopt the boy.
They are very nice people. What does adoption mean?
They will be the boy’s new Mommy and Daddy forever he is told
The boy does not understand. He has a Mommy and Daddy already
The boy is adopted. His new Mommy and Daddy are very nice
The boy feels safe and loved. They are very nice to him
One day after three months the social worker comes again
She tells the boy that his new Mommy and Daddy don’t want him anymore
Why? What did the boy do wrong? Daddy is sick she says
The boy is taken to a new foster home. He cries as the car leaves
The boy is scared again. What kind of people will these be?
He arrives at his new foster home. They have a baby and 3 foster brothers
They are very nice people but now the boy is angry and scared
He is very quiet and shy, not trusting anybody yet yearning to be loved
The boy argues and yells at his foster Mommy. He is scared of mommies
After a year the boy is adopted again. On his thirteenth birthday
The boy is still scared they won’t love him anymore too
He misses his brother and sister, his real Mommy and Daddy,
All his Grandmas and Grandpas are gone. His new ones nice
The boy has found his forever home but he is still scared, angry and sad
M***, I only wrote about my childhood as I remember it. I found out Uncle Laverne was not an uncle but only a Navy buddy of my real Dad. My adopted parents helped me find my brother and sister. We were all adopted by different families. I found my Grandma Taylor on my own. I remembered where she lived and drove to her house outside Madison. Grandpa Taylor died in 1985. Grandma died in 1992. I tried calling my little brother Tony but their phone was no longer in service so now I lost him.
I would rather not write any more poems. It was too hard putting these things in writing let alone poetry. It was 13 foster homes, living with Dad and step-Mother, and 2 adoptions in a 9 year period (7 years between homes) I was neglected, beaten, yelled at that I was worthless and should just die, and raped.
I have had major depression as long as I remember, becoming suicidal first at age 14. At age 30 I started having the panic attacks, so severe I had to quit my job, drop out of the university and go on disability. I have seen dozens of therapists over the years.
By the way I was raped at knifepoint when I was 17 walking home from work. It was a black man who forced me to drop my pants and lay on the ground. I begged him to kill me. He was not able to penetrate because I clamped down my **** but he put it in my mouth. I started to bite it and he poked me with the knife. I could feel the blood dripping down my back. Finally he gave up and robbed me. He stole my dad's watch and I told my dad I lost it. I was grounded for 2 weeks for that. 😣 following is me adding on:
(Since then I'm 60 so have had panic attacks for half of my life. They have become Agoraphobia and I'm afraid to go anywhere. Because of my age the doctor is weaning me off of my Klonopin and taken away my Ativan that was my security blanket. Life really sucks!!!! I see no point, if I ever did 😥 The poem doesn't cover even a 10th of what happened but i just couldn't. I must be weak-minded to let all this ruin my life. Others overcome worse!)
My last post here was December 2020. I donated $20 today, but wish it was more.
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