my best friend killed himself recently, memories churn and churn until reality is so warped i can not distinguish the difference, flashbacks of my futile efforts end up piercing me over and over like im being stabbed, i know my insignificant suffering is nowhere nears to people on this website and im pathetic okay i get it, i was in a refuge he was one of my only friends since i had little to no contact to family and friends from my previous living space, its like its recurring every little word triggers me i get hit with a wave of anxiety and fear of making the same mistake again, i think im going to follow his footsteps to a place other than this.
