A special person left me and now about to fail a couple classes.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Faiz, Jan 7, 2015.

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  1. Faiz

    Faiz New Member

    I'm only an 18 yrs old guy and my week's just gone from terrible to possibly unbearable. First, there's a girl that I had fallen for, and after 3 three years of keeping in touch with her, I asked if she wanted to go watch a new movie that came out. I had thought she would like to watch Taken 3 because she told me that she loves reading thrillers. She said she wasn't sure about her work schedule and implied that I should call again in a few days. I called her but I was too stupid to not realize that most people have dinner at 7 PM. So of course she told me that she's having dinner with her family so I asked if I could call her at a better time tomorrow. She said that would okay and so I called her the next day at around 6 PM. She didn't pick up so I thought she decided to ignore me. Since I am leaving for Europe for an extended amount of time, I told her that I'm fine with her ignoring me; I understand that I may not be her type so I blame myself for trying. I told her I made the decision to ask her to spend some time with me because I had decided to live life to the fullest and have no regrets. I wished her well for her future. Then the next day she unfollowed me on Twitter. She initially followed me three years ago when I told her she should follow me because I retweet a bunch of boring stuff. That made her laugh. Not too long ago, every time I posted a picture on Facebook or Instagram, she would "like" it, even if no one else did. My memories of her says that we were sort of close. She would always forgive me if I did something stupid. Our conversations occasionally were intimate. We didn't really flirt in the traditional way, but she definitely knew that I cared for her in a romantic way. I had thought she treated me differently from other guys because she talked to me differently from the dozens of other men trying to gain her attention. Besides my nuclear family, she was the world to me. She could lighten my heart when I was down with one word and always only had nice words to say to me. Even if most of my artworks were hideous, she always complimented me with honesty. She was a different kind of girl. She is the most beautiful woman I've met across 3 continents and was the most popular girl at our old high school but she was always humble about it. She's also a faithful Catholic (I'm don't belong to a religion) and always stayed out of trouble. She was perfect in every way. Her hair was long and dark, her face more perfect than Michelangelo's sculptures, her blue eyes pierced the very heart of my soul. Heck, I even wrote a poem for her and I would present it to everyone here but I think that belongs in another category.

    Now that I got done with the first part of my sob story, here comes the next. A couple days ago, it seemed like life could be any more despairing, but now it seems like I'm about to fail another class. I've already dropped math and about to fail physics but now it turns out that I'm going to fail American Literature as well because I couldn't complete a 300 point 3 page paper on The Great Gatsby. I know it's my fault for not managing my time better but the whole semester I had been playing catch-up to the class. Tonight is the last night to turn everything in and so far I only managed to complete 2 papers in American History... in one day. I'm burnt out on energy and currently having the biggest writer's block ever. I can't bear the thought of having done so well all semester, with an A for every paper I've written, and now failing in one night.

    This Sunday, I'm leaving with my dad to Switzerland for a couple months to prepare for a permanent move there. I know I should feel uplifted but right now with two heavy burdens, dark and looming like a anvil-shaped thundercloud, on my shoulder, I can't feel the warmth of the sunshine. My mom is Thai and she has a Ph.D. in education so having me do well in school is her biggest priority. Personally, I don't care much for school. I've always scored higher than 80-90% of the U.S. population on all the different standardized tests that I've taken. My memory is also very good to the point that I can learn anything faster than the average person, from learning a new language to a new athletic skill. I guess my hubris is my main weak point, but obviously I also have very little self confidence. My emotions conflict with each other so often that I feel like tearing my head apart. I took one of those personality tests, and I am a physical embodiment of a contradiction. Here is a link if you're interested in an overview of my personality, it's completely safe to the best of my knowledge and also just click next because there's a lame advertisement http://www.learnmyself.com/Personality-Report?x=sPIx3x4101649-3721553xs4hj2x3#tab-10

    I guess my problem right now is experiencing the biggest heartbreak I've had in my insignificant 18 years of life and the panic that I will earn disapproval from my parents if I fail a class that I shouldn't have. I'm tired of people having unfairly high expectations of me. I'm nothing special, just an arrogant, depressed, self-loathing, imaginative, loser. I hope that I posted this in the correct section, if not, I'm truly sorry. If someone could help to lift my spirits, I would be forever grateful. She used to be my reason to live and to strive for the loftiest of goals, but now She left me with a shattered heart and I lost the will-- again.
  2. Linny

    Linny Active Member

    If you need help with school and you still have time (it's 10 PM here in Florida), PM me ASAP, I know everything about the Gatsby and can write anything on it and I can help you really fast if you'd like to at least bring up one point for you, if just for a little life saver.

    I'm really sorry about everything else. Something similar happened between me and my best friends, three years after us being perfect friends. We fixed it a month later though, so don't think there isn't hope.
  3. Faiz

    Faiz New Member

    Oh you're too nice. No, I think that I need to confront it myself. I'm not a great person, but it wouldn't feel right to give someone else the responsibility. Plus, it's has to be over 900 words so I would feel terrible for you. My parents aren't really horrible, just a bit tough on me. Also, it seems like I can now just pass it with a C.

    I wish I could say the same about my former friend. I don't really know how girls think, and maybe the distance will heal it, but I think the last time I saw her and listened to her voice will be the last.

    Thank you for helping me out, just talking about it helps. I'll live through another day, just one step at a time was what someone here wrote :)
  4. Linny

    Linny Active Member

    If you're sure. I offered because it's probably the easiest subject I could ever reach out for besides math. My class spent a whole semester analyzing the book, reading it twice, watching both versions of the movie, just because my english teacher loved it so much. So that's why it would be an absolute breeze to help if you were in need.

    I really am very sorry that you don't think there's any hope. Even though it hurts for Mine and I to talk -mostly because we wanted a romantic relationship but it just didn't work- I will probably never be able not to talk to him. But I guess that's just my side of things because I'm clingy. Either way, I hope that whatever happens, you at least feel better with writing it.
  5. Faiz

    Faiz New Member

    I am actually going to pass with a B! I think that sometimes my negativity overshadows the silver lining in life. At the end, I really liked The Great Gatsby because I see a lot of myself in Gatsby. I have a knack for analyzing information so I'm hoping that I can become wealthy and successful in finance to win her back. However, I realized that I could end up like Gatsby by pursuing the past. I'm taking it as a sign that I should move on and leave the past as it is.

    Also, I woke up this morning and my emotions felt, clearer but it's still hard to look at pictures of her and remember all of the many great moments we had. I may try to contact her again after some months.. I'm of guilty of being pretty clingy too. Again, thank you for taking the time to write to me as well as lots of love to the people who maintain this forum-- it's literally a life saver.
  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Good Luck in Switzerland, hope you find another special friend there.
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