About a friend I shared a chunk of life with

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by cosmic_ghost, Oct 5, 2013.

  1. cosmic_ghost

    cosmic_ghost New Member

    He called me one day and said come over, I'm going to spin fire. I didn't know what that meant, I drove over to his cul-de-sac and found him on the curb with a bucket of kerosene and some chains. All he said was "watch", and lit them them up and every house in that circle glowed red. Tomorrow my friends are coming over to spin fire, I always think of him in the dark with us all these years later.

    I met him in my teenage years and into my 20's. He was a sweet person, he never did harm to me in any way. We were going to make movies and become photographers, we inspired each other and were good company. He was so natural with people when we adventured he did all the talking and I did all the initial planning. We walked the streets of a college town every weekend just to be out. One time we took my then new digital camera that used floppy disks to take pictures of girls. That was the entire plan: Lets go to ****** and take pictures of girls. He would walk up to every girl he saw and ask to take their picture and I would snap the photo. It was not even good photography, it was "hey lets go take pictures of girls".

    Later we both got pulled into the rave scene. We would go these parties in the woods, and I would babysit him. Make sure he and others didn't harm themselves since I wasn't into taking substances. It's around this time he was experimenting with being bi-sexual which was kind of a joke among people in our group. It didn't bother me, he was the same guy. He had some drug issues, one time he took too much in public and I had to walk him a mile to the car when he could barely stand. But he seemed to regain control and stop for periods of time, and managed to go to a good school. About this time I met the mother of my child, who devoured all my time. She had issues with my friend and slowly pried him out of my life over the years. She hated how he would come over at anytime without warning, and she was worried during our adventures I would meet someone new.

    So I heard less and less from him. Most of my remaining friends screwed me over. He moved to California, I heard he met a guy and lived with him. His drug problems got worse and he OD'ed.

    I was dating a girl I knew from the past, and found out through her phonecall as I was sitting next to her in bed. She said his name, that that he was dead in a way to suggest that it didn't matter much. She didn't know him well, or that he was my best friend for so many years.

    I regret so much for letting him go. All for a girl who has continued to ruin so many aspects of my life. If he stuck around I think he would have lived and both our lives would be better. I would have someone to adventure with.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry for you loss hun hugs