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Afraid of Dying Alone

Discussion in 'Mid Life and Getting Older' started by Sunday16, Jan 19, 2017.

  1. Sunday16

    Sunday16 Well-Known Member

    I'm in my mid-forties and divorced with no children. I adored my husband, trusted him completely, thought he was my best friend. But he was hiding a terrible secret, which when revealed destroyed my life and everything for which I had worked so hard. The event, although not my fault, affected me deeply. I was embarrassed and withdrew from life, lost my career, my friends and am now isolated and insecure. I don't know if I will ever be able to find the hope and confidence to re-enter and trust the world again. They say the pain of a loss it gets easier with time, but at my age, time is only making me feel worse and more hopeless with each passing day.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry for the loss you have endured your dreams all gone but you can move forward you can. With support will help from doctor therapist you can re enter the world again with your head up high ok. As you said you did nothing wrong I hope in time you can find a way out of the darknest. First step is to reach out for help talk to someone ok that can help you a professional that will help give you the strength you need to try again. sorry you are suffering but you are not alone ok please keep reaching out here and in real life for the help you deserve and the compassion you deserve as well
  3. Sunday16

    Sunday16 Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I understand everything you say, but just don't feel there's much happiness or hope left for me. I wasted my "best" years on a man who lied and deceived me. I'm looking for a therapist, hoping I can afford it. I appreciate your taking the time to read and respond.
  4. Deety

    Deety SF Supporter

    Hi Sunday, I am sorry you are feeling so hopeless and isolated. I hope you can find an affordable therapist. How long has it been since the secret was revealed? Are you able to re-engage with even one of your old friends? For instance, was there anyone who tried to support you but you pushed away?
    total eclipse likes this.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I know you feel old but you are not You still have time to get out and explore now things you want to do maybe take a few courses at college of interest to you meet new people that way. Look at this as a new start ok time for YOU now . Right now you don't see any hope or light but it is there just hard to see it right now
  6. Sunday16

    Sunday16 Well-Known Member

    Deety, it's been 4 years. I've moved away so there's no point in trying to reconnect with old friends. Moving is expensive so I can't afford to do much, especially take courses at a college where I'll only be intermingling with 20-something millennials with whom I have nothing in common.
  7. Shell

    Shell New Member

    Hi Sunday My heart goes out to you. Your story sounds exactly like mine. My ex husband left me disabled and took away my home. I cannot deal with losing everything. I know I will never meet anyone. I cannot work and have no income. I had a lawyer that threw me under the bus. My life is over. I hope that you are healthy and can start a new chapter in your life.
  8. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    @Sunday16...Hi, there. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. A broken relationship can hurt a lot.

    I'd like to modify that statement to say they were "best years of your life so far." I think the future could hold a whole lot of great times for you.

    I'll address the practical side of meeting others first. Yes, things can be expensive - I can't deny that. There are some less expensive alternatives, though. Some ways to meet people: take a course through the parks and recreation departments and local school boards (they are usually lower cost "interest courses" - not as expensive as college). Libraries have book clubs and sometimes a variety of other interest groups. Many community and charity organizations need volunteers. There are "Meet Ups" listed online for many cities around the world. If you have any religious leanings, a local place of worship can be a good place to meet others. If you are new in your city or town, sometimes there are "newcomers" clubs - to help newcomers meet people and become acquainted with the area and local services.

    I am making the above suggestions based on my own experience. Your life is yours, and we're all different, so maybe my ideas won't work for you. But if nothing else is working right now, trying them doesn't hurt, right?

    I was divorced eons ago. It took me a long, loooooong time to regroup and feel okay again. I wish I'd done more to get back out in the world sooner. That's water under the bridge though - looking back, regretting broken promises and kaput marriage, not doing more for myself sooner...just serves to keep me stuck with my wheels spinning. Getting out and trying things is more positive - some have been good, others didn't work. All were worth the try, though. :)

    I'm so glad you reached out here. I have a feeling that you have lots to offer the world. Perhaps you've not been feeling as though you're on solid ground to try things yet. I found that the ground for me became more solid as I tried to do more.

    You are not old, btw. Mid-forties is still young - enjoy them!. I think you really deserve fun, love, happiness. I hope you find the support and care that will help you. :)
  9. Sunday16

    Sunday16 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your kind words, support and suggestions. I'm trying to start a new chapter. I've moved away from the town in which I met, lived with and divorced my husband. Where I live now is a tourist town, very small, not much to do especially in the winter. Grey, snowy, depressing. The hardest part of the last 4 years is not feeling like myself. I'm so uncomfortable around people and find it hard to trust anyone. But sharing and having my story heard and acknowledged helps. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. Shell, I hope you find happiness and Acy, I appreciate all your positive suggestions.