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After effects of bullying

Discussion in 'Bullying and Violence' started by BlueTyger, Feb 14, 2018.

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  1. BlueTyger

    BlueTyger Active Member

    About 2 years ago, I was bullied pretty badly in school, one of the reasons being that I was in a very dark place and often didn't have the energy to shower every day.
    I got called a stinkbug and lots of other things, every single day, and even though it's over now (partly because my classmates are more accepting, partly because my personal hygine has improved a lot), I now have to deal with the after effects.

    First of all, I am extremly self contious. I shower 2 times a day, change my clothes every day and use a lot of deodrant, even though that's definitly not necessary.

    Also, and this is the bigger problem, every time people mention smell or stink in whatever context, I am extremely triggered, I get anxious and scared and always think it's about me (even if someone just mentioned that the trash can smells or whatever. it's irrational, i know).

    Does anyone have advice how to get out of this crap? I can't go on cringing whenever someone talks about smell, it's not exactly boosting my self respect and confidence either...

    Even writing this makes me feel embarrassed and crappy, so I'm sorry that I didn't exactly go into detail.
  2. Sand and Sun

    Sand and Sun SF Supporter

    Hi Blue Tyger. The pain you felt must have been severe . For a problem like you mentioned I think affirmations could help you a lot. I suggest them often to people I sponsor in 12 Step Programs. You make up a few of them, say or read(until there memorized) them first thing in the morning like just after a shower, pick a set time in the early afternoon and repeat them, and definitely right before bed. If you become stressed out or triggered by something someone says it does, just reparation them to yourself. When this was first suggested to me to deal with irrational beliefs, I thought it was pretty lame or stupid. But I said them anyway and the proof is in the pudding, the irrational beliefs went away over time. By saying them so often they become second nature.
    shania and BlueTyger like this.
  3. MyCatWillMissMe

    MyCatWillMissMe Well-Known Member

    Well it's good that you acknowledge that this is quite bizarre. You'd probably need to get into some serious zen shit like meditation and hypnotherapy, or potentially just facing your fear. Don't shower for a day and then go to the grocery store. I guarantee nobody will even notice because I do it all the time :D Perhaps that kind of perspective would ease the effects of what others say and do.
    BlueTyger likes this.
  4. BlueTyger

    BlueTyger Active Member

    I should probably add that this is also the reason why I have huge issues with being around people. I am uncomfortable being close to someone else, let alone touch them, because I feel too disgusted with myself. It really bothers me.
  5. BlueTyger

    BlueTyger Active Member

    Do you mean like 12 positive sentences to learn by heart and remember when things get hard? That actually sounds like it might help.

    Thank you for answering.
  6. BlueTyger

    BlueTyger Active Member

    Thanks so much for answering! I guess facing it might help, but getting myself to do so is hard.. I'm just way too anxious.
    Taking small steps sounds good though.
    MyCatWillMissMe likes this.
  7. MyCatWillMissMe

    MyCatWillMissMe Well-Known Member

    Yeah man maybe get someone you trust to go with you and just face it. Then maybe force yourself to talk to some girls or guys however you swing and then maybe you'll get more confident when you see they don't recoil like a wounded animal :)
  8. MyCatWillMissMe

    MyCatWillMissMe Well-Known Member

    Also for you and anyone else with terrible public anxiety, I've had it too, but it's gotten better because I started talking to myself in my head when at a place like a grocery store. What I do is tell myself "I'm likely never going to see any of these people again, so what they think doesn't matter, and if they don't like me, they can kiss my ass!" This is my personal version of "manning up", though this can easily work for women too with bad anxiety. It may sound a little negative, but it works as a way to lessen the discomfort and I'm not hurting anybody. You can also just try to develop your own inner pep-talk when in these situations.
  9. Walker

    Walker Everything Zen Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Media SF Supporter

    Maybe your brain can relate to "you were a different person then than you are now" and you can kind of separate the "you" from then and the "you" from now. Know what I'm saying? I'm trying not to spell it out exactly because I don't want to move your business from one board to another. But in a way you were very different a few years ago so maybe THAT you was just different and now the "new you" is a brand new guy, all clean and good smelly. I don't know. I'm just throwing it out there.
  10. Innocent Forever

    Innocent Forever Go as long as you can. And then take another step. Chat Pro SF Supporter

    I don't know how old you are
    When I was a teenager (I mean like 13 - 16) I had the same, although I never knew about personal hygiene until I lived in a dorm when I went to college - 16 - 19.
    It's something I don't talk about as I'm embarrassed of it, although in reality it's nothing to be embarrassed about.
    Would you look into therapy? It sounds like you've gone to the opposite extreme.... there is a middle way....
    Sending strength and hugs
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