So, I know I am not up there pain-wise, it is only the fact that I passed the 18 month mark a while ago that has made this a pain. I've gained weight because any exercise sets off my side and I have to stop for a few hours until it dies down again, and I simply cant avoid it at work, I just have to power through, but that's not the point, the point is that my little cocktails of pain killers (a mixture of the strongest versions of whatever I can legally find which doesn't have contraindications with each other) gives a weird sort of slightly drifty-drowsy feeling, not enough to break concentration, but enough to let me know they are doing something, the problem is that the 1 prescription drug in the mix is not supposed to be taken for long and I'm really getting to enjoy that drifty feeling after so damned long, it gives me a warm friendly feeling, and the same moment I realised how much I like it (today) is the moment I realised WHY I enjoy it so much, because when I am feeling that drifty-drowsy feeling, I am NOT feeling broken. That sense that my internal tension (often enough to give me a splitting headache or make it hard to breathe) is the only thing keeping my head above water (emotionally speaking) is gone and I just feel calm and unburdened.
If I hadn't already proved to myself over and over that I don't have an addictive personality I would be concerned that I would just stay on these forever, as it is, its just another reason to be pissed off at the doctors for letting the pain in my side go on this long without trying to diagnose it, because my attempts to avoid the pain are easily habit forming at this point.
I know my pain and the painkillers I am working with are weak-tea compared to what many of you are dealing with, and I'm not making this thread to claim it is more than it is, the thread is more the revelation that the pills I am choking down (seriously I can swallow a fist-full of pills in 1 gulp now, #skills) are completely eradicating the constant broken feeling inside me for as long as the pills effect lasts, and if I was even mildly inclined to addiction I would NEVER stop taking them.
If I hadn't already proved to myself over and over that I don't have an addictive personality I would be concerned that I would just stay on these forever, as it is, its just another reason to be pissed off at the doctors for letting the pain in my side go on this long without trying to diagnose it, because my attempts to avoid the pain are easily habit forming at this point.
I know my pain and the painkillers I am working with are weak-tea compared to what many of you are dealing with, and I'm not making this thread to claim it is more than it is, the thread is more the revelation that the pills I am choking down (seriously I can swallow a fist-full of pills in 1 gulp now, #skills) are completely eradicating the constant broken feeling inside me for as long as the pills effect lasts, and if I was even mildly inclined to addiction I would NEVER stop taking them.
