Almost doesn't count

[Prinnctopher's Belt]

I was standing on the Metro platform today, and when the train rolled in, I walked toward the edge to jump down, but didn't. I went so close to jumping the conductor honked that loud ass horn and I ducked back. I didn't notice how many people were around me until then because before then, I was just looking at the tracks and being in a trance. The god damned train was going too slow. Subway trains don't go fast enough dammit.

Got on the train, got on the bus, got home and was walking to my door. Some little children were playing in the snow. Just an innocent snowball fight at first, then some words "i'll beat your ass, I'll fuck you up" a boy said to another one. I wasn't giving a shit and just kept walking. But then I heard some smacking. Turned around, the boys were fighting, so I'm standing there where I am and watching them, and at first it was just a "boys being boys" brawl where kids fight. But I turned around again and saw the smallest boy on the ground, and the other three who were bigger than him, kicking and stomping him. And I just took off running toward the boys, and broke it up. When I broke up the fight, I saw there were two women standing on the other side looking and was looking at them beat this boy down, and did nothing. They were just standing there watching. So I look at them and ask if those were their kids, they said no.

Anyway, made sure the boy was okay, went home and when I got in the house I started crying because it was sad that the boy was getting stomped like hell by three people bigger than him, people were standing by, and no one did a god damned thing to step in. It's sad that people don't give a fuck about other people.

That's the world you wanna live in, then go ahead.

 

[Prinnctopher's Belt]

Shit, I even started drinking again and I haven't had anything to drink unsocially for many years. I just pulled out a bottle of vodka I was keeping in the fridge since 2008 when some friends gave it to me as part of a gift basket for graduation. I poured me a glass of ginger ale, emptied the whole bottle, bam. Instadrink. I'm gonna buy some more when I'm at the liquor store, which I plan on going to Monday or something to get me some more and start drinking again until I die because this is shit.

 

[Bambi]

Your post ended not how I expected...you see I thought you were going to point out how had you jumped in front of the train there would have been nobody to say the small boy.


I guess it is a matter of perspective, it really is because that is what I saw in your story....beauty, caring and the best of humanity.


Thank you for saving that boy, I know he is thinking of you and will never forget you...you changed his life today and for the better.

You have a kind heart and are brave to do what nobody else did.

Please consider my version of the story if only for a moment...you saved that boy but only because you were alive.

Love to you, Bambi

 

[IV2010]

you didn't jump in front of the train because there is a purpose for you to be here....
if all the kind, caring people like you die who is going to be left??? the ones like the couple of women watching the fight and doing nothing..
please don't drink....stay with us and fight it..

 

[jxdama]

i shouldnt say this but its too bad bullies dont get what they deserve.

 

[WildCherry]

If you weren't here, who would have helped that boy? Who knows what might have happened to him!

 

[Glenn Cocoa]

That's a really nice sentiment and in this case certainly true! So, please don't take this the wrong way, but in my personal experience, feeling responsible for others as a reason not to take one's own life is quite pressure-inducing. I don't mean any disrespect to anyone who's posted, and I do understand that helping others is a great way to help ourselves feel good.

 

[bluegrey]

Prinnctopher's Belt, I have mentioned in previous posts that I am very close to a woman who has been walking on prosthetic legs for over two decades because she did what you are contemplating. Every couple of years the legs start to fall apart or just become uncomfortably ill fitting so she has to see her prosthesis doctor. Because she asked, he told her up to half of his patients lost limbs to suicide attempts. I don't know if I will ever stop being suicidal and I have collected methods and "tools" to get me out of this life but THAT way is simply too painful, gruesome and uncertain.

As for that poor little boy, that was very kind of you to intervene and that you cried for him shows you are an empathetic person the world is better off keeping. I hope you can feel good about it because depression makes you feel terrible about yourself no matter how much you do for others. There are as many possible reasons that boy was being beaten as there were reasons the women didn't intervene so it does not necessarily come down to callousness over a human's feelings or welfare.

There are entire countries with despotic governments that view individual human lives as disposable, subservient and valuable only regarding what production can be exploited out of them. Western democracies, our country America, and the citizens you encounter every day are far more enlightened and humane. When we are depressed our perspective become distorted by selective attention where we focus on the people and subcultures who are definitely lacking in sympathy and sanctity for human life.

I hope you start feeling hope again! Be well.