I'm sorry if starting a new thread was inappropriate, but I didn't see any similar topics. My uncle committed suicide last April, and because I lived with him I was the one that discovered his body. Initially I had nightmares about the disfigurement of his face (he used a deer rifle ), and I know that I must have been affected due to my actions both immediately after I found him and in the weeks that followed. I must have looked right at him several times as I wandered the house calling out his name, but it didn't seem to click. I even thought the blood was spilled wine. Once I realized the situation I walked in circles dazed and made a frantic 911 call after about 45 mins. I don't remember much about what followed, but I'll start by saying I am a heroin addict in recovery and was clean for 18 months up until his death. however I had two overdoses and spent 3 days in jail all within 10 days of his death. I am clean again, and in the process of getting help, but what bugs me is after the first 2 weeks passed I haven't seemed to feel anything about his death, and he meant everything to me. He was more of a father than my dad, and was the one person on this earth I confided in about everything. I am not so much concerned with his reasons or decision to leave me behind, I understand it even if I don't like it. I have at times myself been suicidal, which was/is more than likely due to being a diagnosed bi-polar mixed with heroin dependency. But it scares me how numb I am after all this time (a year in April), I am no stranger to death, or even violent death for that matter, and the way I feel is still comepletley alien to me. Is anyone else feeling this, or has been through this? I would really like to hear about it. Right now I feel all alone in this.