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alone
- Thread starter seabird
- Start date
Thanks @SillyOldBear
Yeah. On top of the worry about something I can't discuss here is the other factory of my iffy mental health, I don't think I have the capacity to handle much.
Yeah. On top of the worry about something I can't discuss here is the other factory of my iffy mental health, I don't think I have the capacity to handle much.
You've handled a lot @seabird, and I hope you will be able to handle your worries. Its unfortunate that handling things isn't always like exercise - building capacity to handle more. Or maybe it is sometimes, but sometimes things do all seem to happen at once like trying to run one marathon after falling over the finishing line of another. We will do our best to support you!
Thank you @Lostman85. When I'm here it's very helpful to feel less alone.
Reading this makes me feel like I do have some possibility of handling things without crumbling. I am so tired of among other things, that sense of not being able to exert some control over a situation. I am remembering my mind needs to practise mindfulness. Saying I'm grateful for the support doesn't express it very well, but I am, and thank you.
Forgiving the stupid and the naive mistakes I've been making is proving difficult. Depression freezes me into a low power mode. I know I'm not at the very bottom because rain still smells good, I have my exercise routines and I'm eating, showering, all that sort of stuff. I guess I got addicted to its safety after losing so much of my life. But, my depression doesn't have or allow for many functional features. It's good I've identified some things I want to change. I am unlikely to be able to carry them out unless I get out of this safe fog.
I wish I was starting to feel better but it seems I'm trapped in somewhat muted oscillations of slightly less than horrid, down into depression. I am a tiny weight fixed to a pendulum, waiting for nothingness. Unless I get even worse, I'm not going to accept medication for the depression and anxiety. If I go to a doctor for a check up I'm not going to mention it, and if they ask I'll lie. I've been reading about the side effects of various medications as well as the results of stopping them. (author Anna Mehler Paperny) It was enough to put me off the idea completely.
I wish there was a med that could help without side effects @seabird. You shouldn't have to dice with so much risk just to try to feel better. If only they could bottle the feeling you get from running and make it non addictive! I'm sorry you have to deal with so much to have to think about medication, even if it's off the table. And I certainly hope you don't get into a position that makes you consider it regardless. 
