am i winning or losing and does it really matter

1964dodge

when you help others you help yourself
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#1
as most people know I suffer chronic pain and bad health problems. I have tried very hard the last 2 or 3 months. there is a possibility my pain may go down a little soon i'm usually living in the 5 or 6 range with higher spikes daily. i'm hoping to go down to around 4 to 5. my copd is a little better I don't have to use oxygen as much. and my quality of life is a little better because i'm doing more. the bad thing is everytime I do something my pain increases. I have been fighting for a long time. I find that i'm thinking those bad thoughts for longer periods more often these past few weeks. I've gone back to looking at sites that aren't exactly safe if you know what I mean. I am actually dwelling on other possibilities to end the pain and seriously considering options i'm safe for now but i'm wondering, am I losing or am I winning.
 

rubytigrcat

Well-Known Member
#2
You’re in a marathon, not a sprint, and you’ve momentarily hit a wall.

I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. But I’ve read your posts and I know you are a fighter. Give yourself permission to accept this moment of feeling down. Rest. And then pick it up (as you are able to) again.
 

1964dodge

when you help others you help yourself
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#3
You’re in a marathon, not a sprint, and you’ve momentarily hit a wall.

I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. But I’ve read your posts and I know you are a fighter. Give yourself permission to accept this moment of feeling down. Rest. And then pick it up (as you are able to) again.
thank you.
 

Petal

~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff member
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#4
Dodge, you are a role model to me - seriously. You care so much about others and i bet you even help people when you are run down and in pain as well. That is remarkable.

I NEED you to help me out and do me a favour, make a promise to me?

Do NOT visit those evil websites. I care too much about you to see you doing that. You have supported me in literally every post since you joined, i don't know anyone with a bigger heart than you have. You are a rock for a LOT of people here and we need you to stay safe. I'm not saying that my pain does outweighs yours - i don't compare issues. I'm talking about you as a person, you are RARE, you're considerate, warm, friendly, pleasant and we all have all the time in the world for you, so do not do anything silly and keep talking to those who love and care for you here. You're amazing, your compassion for others is invaluable and I have no doubt in my mind that you have saved lives here. Think on that Mike.

Your loyal friend, Petal *hug
 
#5
Good to here the COPD isnt any worse. And, that you're doing more Mike. But, remember the more you do, the pain will be worse. Maybe, try doing a schedule type thing, where you do things, take a 30-35 min break and so on. You know, like union people do, Lol. Unfortunatly, you'll always have pain. It's just trying to adjust how much you'll have. PM me if you like.
John
 

SillyOldBear

So very tired of everything.
Staff Alumni
#6
@1964dodge

I came from heaven as a gift
for my parents who knew love
because they had no rift
even though my brother liked to shove

Just a bit from a poem you wrote that I have saved to my computer. I read it when things get really bad. It is inspirational. I hope you remember writing it. You have, indeed, been a help to many on SF. Hope we can do the same for you.
You are strong. But I do know what it is like to want out of this life. There may be a time when it is right to go. I fight with it daily. The trick, and its a big one, is to know when the time is right. You do it too soon and you miss out on a lot of possible good times. You hurt those you leave behind. I know you have something in the works for possible pain relief. Please give that a try. It just may give you enough relief to help you remain active. We would all grieve deeply if you were to leave us.

Barb
 

1964dodge

when you help others you help yourself
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#7
thank you @Were all together @SillyOldBear @Petal and @rubytigrcat but like I said i'm safe for now. petal I promised you and others I wouldn't go back to that one site and I haven't, it's too dangerous. but i'm looking at other sites that I used to look at and some new ones. the reason i'm so lost is that i'm pretty happy the way things are working out and i'm hopeful for the future. I think that sometimes the struggle gets to be too much and I question if it's worth it anymore. that's when I think of alternatives. it's just that this time i's been a few weeks and is contantly getting worse. but i'll make it and eventually turn away from those thoughts I always do lol.
 

Petal

~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff member
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#8
but i'll make it and eventually turn away from those thoughts I always do lol.
So happy to hear this, you will get better and all of SF is here for you 24/7 :)

We care. We really do. Thank you for that promise, you've made my day. *hug
 

1964dodge

when you help others you help yourself
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#9
@1964dodge

I came from heaven as a gift
for my parents who knew love
because they had no rift
even though my brother liked to shove

Just a bit from a poem you wrote that I have saved to my computer. I read it when things get really bad. It is inspirational. I hope you remember writing it. You have, indeed, been a help to many on SF. Hope we can do the same for you.
You are strong. But I do know what it is like to want out of this life. There may be a time when it is right to go. I fight with it daily. The trick, and its a big one, is to know when the time is right. You do it too soon and you miss out on a lot of possible good times. You hurt those you leave behind. I know you have something in the works for possible pain relief. Please give that a try. It just may give you enough relief to help you remain active. We would all grieve deeply if you were to leave us.

Barb
by the way barb the fact that you enjoyed and saved that poem means a lot to me, thank you. mike
 

Witty_Sarcasm

Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen
#12
Every step in the right direction is a win, and it always matters. It doesn't matter if you end up crawling to the finish line, the fact that you get there is the important part. And I don't mean "that line", I'm talking about going through live and letting it play out naturally, to do all you want and then have a fulfilling life. Sorry if this made no sense. :P
 

1964dodge

when you help others you help yourself
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#13
I'm so glad you say you are safe Mike. It's so worrying to me that you feel like this sometimes - and of course it's understandable. I can't say any more than has already been said but you would leave a hole in our hearts if you left, seriously.
thank you
 

1964dodge

when you help others you help yourself
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#14
Every step in the right direction is a win, and it always matters. It doesn't matter if you end up crawling to the finish line, the fact that you get there is the important part. And I don't mean "that line", I'm talking about going through live and letting it play out naturally, to do all you want and then have a fulfilling life. Sorry if this made no sense. :P
it does make sense witty thank you as always
 

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