I've decided that that's it & I want to die. I know how & it's my focus right now. I'm not scared or sad just want this pain in my heart to end for good. I simply cannot carry on living knowing she's going to be with someone else one day. I wouldn't be able to have a happy life knowing I messed up with her & she's no longer mine. I know there may be a very small glimmer of hope for us but I know it's futile. And the thought of rejection from her would just be too hard to accept. Why is it that this is the only thought that gives me comfort? Why does she have such a massive affect on me ? I've never ever felt like this about anybody before & I know I never would again. Why do I think death is the only answer ?