An Apology Letter To My Dearest Godmother

[VicBB09]

My Dearest Mi:

I am deeply sorry I am to have hurt you in the past. Especially my apology for my emotional behavior on 25/Oct. I realize that how badly I hurt you at the point of time. I am sorry for all the time I was stubborn and emotional when I thought I was right. You always tell and encourage me to get professional help to control my emotion as you really don't know how to handle it. I should have listen to you. I should have understood your feeling and your difficulties. I am sorry for all the times I open argument and let you down. I am really sorry. And what makes me feel more guilty is the unconditional love you have for me. I should have told you that how much you truly mean to me.

Sincerely, I hope that you will forgive me. I understand that you find it hard to trust and I have made it even harder for you to trust me again, and it will take time for you to feel ready to talk. I am ready to wait until you can recontact me. We went through a lot together, and you are one of the few people I trust. You are very special to me. I can't help believing everything will turn out ok as I find it hard to think of my life without you in it anymore, and I will always be there for you.

Love you Mi~

I wrote this letter when I was in hospital (on my birthday). However, I can't post this letter to her place as I'm afraid that her husband might report me to police as a stalker. I can't email her as she has probably already blocked my email. But I really want to say "I'm sorry and I LOVE YOU".

 

[may71]

Sorry that you're having trouble connecting with her.

I can't email her as she has probably already blocked my email

You could try emailing her though. The worst that could happen is that the email wouldn't go through.

I think it would also be fine to send the letter if you'd like. Unless she's got a restraining order on you that explicitly forbids you from sending letters, there's no basis for the police to do anything to you.

 

[VicBB09]

Sorry that you're having trouble connecting with her.


You could try emailing her though. The worst that could happen is that the email wouldn't go through.

I think it would also be fine to send the letter if you'd like. Unless she's got a restraining order on you that explicitly forbids you from sending letters, there's no basis for the police to do anything to you.

Thank you @may71

 

[may71]

You're welcome!

 

[VicBB09]

I don't think I will get forgiveness from my Godmother. Last month, I shouldn't question her and yell at her, she was overwhelmed. What she need was my understanding and support, but unfortunately I couldn't control myself. At that time, I only had one thought in my mind that was in order to maintain her marriage, in order to make her husband happy (because her husband doesn't like me), she wants to abandon me. Actually, I was an extremely terrible Goddaughter. I suppose should support her, always on her side. But now, it's already too late. Still I can't forgive myself, I can't forgive what I did to her. I wrote a suicide plan, I think this is the best and the only way for me.

My Dearest Mi:

I am deeply sorry I am to have hurt you in the past. Especially my apology for my emotional behavior on 25/Oct. I realize that how badly I hurt you at the point of time. I am sorry for all the time I was stubborn and emotional when I thought I was right. You always tell and encourage me to get professional help to control my emotion as you really don't know how to handle it. I should have listen to you. I should have understood your feeling and your difficulties. I am sorry for all the times I open argument and let you down. I am really sorry. And what makes me feel more guilty is the unconditional love you have for me. I should have told you that how much you truly mean to me.

Sincerely, I hope that you will forgive me. I understand that you find it hard to trust and I have made it even harder for you to trust me again, and it will take time for you to feel ready to talk. I am ready to wait until you can recontact me. We went through a lot together, and you are one of the few people I trust. You are very special to me. I can't help believing everything will turn out ok as I find it hard to think of my life without you in it anymore, and I will always be there for you.

Love you Mi~

I wrote this letter when I was in hospital (on my birthday). However, I can't post this letter to her place as I'm afraid that her husband might report me to police as a stalker. I can't email her as she has probably already blocked my email. But I really want to say "I'm sorry and I LOVE YOU".

 

[some dude]

I don't think I will get forgiveness from my Godmother. Last month, I shouldn't question her and yell at her, she was overwhelmed. What she need was my understanding and support, but unfortunately I couldn't control myself. At that time, I only had one thought in my mind that was in order to maintain her marriage, in order to make her husband happy (because her husband doesn't like me), she wants to abandon me. Actually, I was an extremely terrible Goddaughter. I suppose should support her, always on her side. But now, it's already too late. Still I can't forgive myself, I can't forgive what I did to her. I wrote a suicide plan, I think this is the best and the only way for me.

chill out, please. dont kill yourself, please try speaking to her, you are obviously sorry and feeling guilty about this situation - if you are super close with your mother she'll forgive you.
just please try it and it's gonna get better

 

[VicBB09]

I still remember that time when we were having argument, when I was out of control, she said still she will attend my birthday party as she is my Godmother. However my response was "you don't need to come as u r not my godmother, you don't deserve my love". I didn't realize that time she was so upset, hopeless and heartbroken. I was selfishly & stupidly shouting at her, criticizing her why she wants to abandon me...

Every day I blame on myself, every night I dream about her. Every morning I cry so hard, I feel I'm running out of all my tears. I can't message her and say "Good morning" anymore, I can't prepare breakfast and fruits for her anymore. I can't share lunch with her anymore .... Every day is TORTURE to me.

I don't think I will get forgiveness from my Godmother. Last month, I shouldn't question her and yell at her, she was overwhelmed. What she need was my understanding and support, but unfortunately I couldn't control myself. At that time, I only had one thought in my mind that was in order to maintain her marriage, in order to make her husband happy (because her husband doesn't like me), she wants to abandon me. Actually, I was an extremely terrible Goddaughter. I suppose should support her, always on her side. But now, it's already too late. Still I can't forgive myself, I can't forgive what I did to her. I wrote a suicide plan, I think this is the best and the only way for me.

 

[Walker]

I'm sure you're taking this much harder than she is, Vic. Just because she's ceased contact with you does not mean she wants you to die. Talk about doing something that is messed up and would make things much shittier... how do you think that would feel to her then? You went from a little screw up to a huge one? Come on. That's the only way to assure you can't reconnect, right? Think about what you are saying here.

 

[VicBB09]

I'm sure you're taking this much harder than she is, Vic. Just because she's ceased contact with you does not mean she wants you to die. Talk about doing something that is messed up and would make things much shittier... how do you think that would feel to her then? You went from a little screw up to a huge one? Come on. That's the only way to assure you can't reconnect, right? Think about what you are saying here.

Thanks @Walker. Just had a chat with @some dude, I will send a letter to my Godmother.

 

[Walker]

I will send a letter to my Godmother.

Nice going

 

[VicBB09]

The suicidal thoughts always in my mind, just like a ghost. Today is Saturday (NZ time), I suppose should hit the gym with her in the morning, after that, we suppose do grossary shopping. In the afternoon, we suppose should go for running and have dinner.

Since the moment she announced our relationship is OVER, everything has been changed. We have nothing to do with each other. I don't have family anymore! I've lost hope. I can't see what is future and happiness.

Last time, after our argument, she's been told by my college principal that I have suicidal thoughts, she immediately told police to take me to hospital to keep me safe. But she didn't go to the hospital. Until now, I haven't received any messages from her. I "celebrated" my birthday in hospital, again, nothing from her.

I can't see my future, I can't find any reasons to keep my life. When I was in hospital, psychiatrist and nurse kept saying she is not my godmother anymore, and I must accept the truth. Why? Why nobody can say anything on behalf of me? Why they criticize me that I bothered their life?

If she really thought I'm a burden, again, ending my life is the only choice. Instead, she can feel release, her husband doesn't need to worry about one day I bother their life again.

 

[may71]

I don't think I will get forgiveness from my Godmother

What makes you feel that way?

If she really thought I'm a burden, again, ending my life is the only choice

I don't think that's true. Losing a close relationship hurts, but it doesn't have to be the end of your life.

After something like this, it might seem impossible to go on, but you might feel differently if you wait a little while.

Maybe you'll be able to patch things up with her right away, but even if you don't, there's also still a chance that you could patch things up with her down the road

I hope that we can help you get through this

Hugs Vic

 

[VicBB09]

What makes you feel that way?


I don't think that's true. Losing a close relationship hurts, but it doesn't have to be the end of your life.

After something like this, it might seem impossible to go on, but you might feel differently if you wait a little while.

Maybe you'll be able to patch things up with her right away, but even if you don't, there's also still a chance that you could patch things up with her down the road

I hope that we can help you get through this

Hugs Vic

Thanks @may71. What makes me feel this way? The reason is because I hurt her deeply. When she needs my understanding and support, what I returned to her was shouting at her and questioning her. When she told me she needs couple of months or even couple of years to fix the issue with her husband (we can't see each other), I was thinking why she wants to abandon me...

I also said sth bad to her, I told her "she doesn't need to attend my birthday party as she is not my godmother, she doesn't deserve my love". I was like an asshole, I only thought about myself... also she told me that she cant handle my emotion anymore. Then she decided to stop our relationship and no more contact (she said she will contact me once I'm getting better, but I really don't think so).

I was a terrible Goddaughter. Anxiety disorder is not an excuse to get her forgiveness, also is not an excuse to forgive myself.

 

[VicBB09]

What makes you feel that way?


I don't think that's true. Losing a close relationship hurts, but it doesn't have to be the end of your life.

After something like this, it might seem impossible to go on, but you might feel differently if you wait a little while.

Maybe you'll be able to patch things up with her right away, but even if you don't, there's also still a chance that you could patch things up with her down the road

I hope that we can help you get through this

Hugs Vic

As I said we were so close to each other. But now, I don't know what is the right choice (sending letter or not). On one hand, I hope I could post this letter to her. On the other hand, I'm scared to know the result, she might return my letter or throw it away. Or if her husband got this letter, probably he will throw it away directly without informing her.

 

[Sassy Cat]

Hugs 🤗 send the letter

 

[VicBB09]

Still I'm not ready and not feeling confident to send this letter to her. I'm a NOBODY to her now. Maybe she has already moved on and started her life (Without me, she can be more happier). Also I just recall a few months ago, she mentioned about if one day she can't be with me anymore, she will keep herself busy until she can face the truth that I'm no longer with her.

 

[some dude]

stop doubting yourself and do it, despite what you feel.

 

[VicBB09]

stop doubting yourself and do it, despite what you feel.

I'm struggling and doubting myself is because I still remember, when we had argument, after told her I want to quit my job, quit everything and I have suicidal thoughts, she shouted at me in front of everyone, she said I'm not her family and I force her to be my Godmother. She kept saying our relationship is OVER. I was so important to her, now I mean nothing to her. I feel maybe she never wanted me to be her goddaughter, maybe she just need a person to spend time with her?? to make her happy?? to release her stress??

 

[Sassy Cat]

Hugs she is scared and worried about you *grouphug

 

[VicBB09]

Hugs she is scared and worried about you *grouphug

I don't know whether she's worried about me or not. But she is scared of me that's for sure as she already told her friends and me maybe also told her husband.