And again....

[BlackSheep 007]

I hate myself for being so weak from time to time. I simply cannot resist - may it be a beer, may it be from time to time a sleeping pill.... I know this should be considered normal, but not for me and not with my past. I do not understand why all three months (its really a cycle...) - I fall back for some days or a week or so.... This is so weak, so poor. I can stand to be alone, having no contact at all, living in a foreign country.... I manage to keep myself busy with sport, walking and reading.... My days are normally organised well..., But the 3 months cycle of my life is just unbearable. On top of this, recently I have the feeling that it is urgent to NOT fall back - I do not know what you think or see - but for me something is brewing in this world.... I am afraid that we will reach a decisive point... all of us. I feel like this -->

Simply stupid, dumb, weak...

 

[may71]

I hate myself for being so weak from time to time. I simply cannot resist - may it be a beer, may it be from time to time a sleeping pill.... I know this should be considered normal, but not for me and not with my past.

It might be ideal to be completely free from all addictive substances, but at the same time as long as just something time to time, it's actually pretty manageable. The real problem is when something is out of control, not something that is limited.

I do not understand why all three months (its really a cycle...) - I fall back for some days or a week or so

In traditional Chinese medicine, there's an internal organ that is most active in each season, and (in at least some versions of the theory), the digestive organs are in power during the transitions from one season to another.

So I don't know if that's the explanation, but I guess it could be.

I feel like this -->

I have images blocked, so I can't see this.

I am afraid that we will reach a decisive point... all of us

Maybe so, but if so, maybe there's at least some chance that this decisive point leads to something much better.

I listened to a lecture recently where the speaker said that in similar times in history (speaking of the US), positive change can happen when a great leader comes along, a crisis occurs, or a generation witnesses something it won't tolerate and simply says "enough".

 

[Grok]

It's hard, but concentrate on how successful you are for not succumbing every month or week. I'm guessing at some point three months sober would have been a challenge for a past you. You deserve self-love, not hate for that achievement.
Celebrate each time you go a bit longer. Remember its all progress or practice.