And Again

[GoldenPsych]

I've broken my foot. Stupid me. Got pissed. Very pissed. Fell over broke foot. Was in hospital from Friday until yesterday.

I've been given good pain killers. Strongest you can get. They obviously didn't read my medical notes. I am sat here looking at them all and I know it would work. It would be quiet and painless. I think anyway. I am not sure if I have enough. The internet said I need about <mod edit -gentlelady- methods> I have over <methods> But the <methods>is the minimum known lethal dose. But if I took it it would be known it was suicide. I don't want that. Not when I am not 100percent sure it would work.

I've not got counselling this week. Not got it until next Wednesday now.

I am feeling shit. It's horrible.

 

[xXWhateverItTakesXx]

Awww hun. I am sorry to hear you broke your foot, and I hope it heals ok :hug:

The painkillers.. I know all about that. When I dislocated my knee they gave me around 6 bottles of liquid to take when I needed. Needless to say it didn't last very long. But I was young, and although I don't regret it, I don't want to see you fall into the same trap because it's addictive and can be a slow slippery path

It wouldn't be quick and there would be lots of pain. Please just try talking here and keeping yourself distracted. I found moving them into a place I couldn't get to easily (e.g my parents room) helped at some points..

Sending you :hug: s xx

 

[ashcrostep]

Sorry to hear about your foot!!
Please dont do anything you might regret with the painkillers though. Its hard to get it to work though, I know from experience. Its not worth it in the end!
Plus you have an amazing life ahead. I have read a lot of your posts and you sound like you will make a difference to so many peoples lifes and help them. Thats a great thing to do!
Is there any way you could call your therapist if you needed to? If things got bad? Just so you dont feel you have to go it alone. Or maybe there is another person you could contact.
Take care xxx :hug:

 

[dazzle11215]

can sam make a house call or will that blow your cover with your parents. can you pass her off as a friend? just thinking out loud here...

 

[GoldenPsych]

My parents know I see Sam. She is off on holiday at the moment as of school holidays. She only works term time. I am seeing her on Wednesday. I will get a taxi there after work and possibly get picked up after or get a lift back. I am also going to have to ask for a lift to se Dr T also as that is only in a couple of weeks.

I am so reliant on people at the moment and it's so frustrating. I can't even get myself a drink unless I seal it in a bottle and then put it in a bag just to carry it between rooms. I hate being reliant on other people. I feel so pathetic. I blame myself for what happened also. I still need to write it up on my blog as is a story. But I don't have concentration at the moment to write a blog post....

 

[dazzle11215]

i can relate. i broke my ankle in my twenties. was on crutches for months. it was very awkward. hang in there.

 

[Petal]

Hi,

If I were you I'd write down how you're feeling or even print off this page and show it to your counsellor next week, you deserve to be listened, don't give up.