Angry and frustrated all week

[sadhart]

So...I'm currently at a video game convention. And I'm trying to feel excited but this has been a difficult week. I have to renew my lease next week and the process is always having to jump through a bunch of tedious hoops. It's stressful and the people I have to deal with seem to think I'm totally flexible around their convoluted schedule and expectations while not even trying with mine.

And as much as I'm trying to focus on enjoying my time at this convention, that's hard, not just because of this week, but because right now, I'm literally in line between two couples. Yeah, I know that's a pathetic thing to be bothered by, but it just is like this reminder that I'm not worth love and acceptance, because if I was, I wouldn't get rejected or outright ignored.

I know others are struggling far more than me. I know I should be grateful for being able to do things I enjoy. But you know...I'm not. It's hard to ignore the heartache and pain. Sorry if I'm whining.

 

[iloverachel]

I know how you feel my friend and I can totally relate and understand your pain.

I have been an outcast, rejected and ignored my entire life and I am still not used to it. Not being able to fit in, or feel accepted or loved is very painful.

Please continue to vent, You are definitely worthy of love and acceptance, and I hope that some day you will feel more accepted. You are definitely accepted and worthy on here.
Please be safe

 

[BarryW]

It's pretty much guaranteed I will get upset for one reason or another when it's time to renew a lease (or find another place to fix).
I'm OK standing in lines for about 5 minutes tops.
Some couples have very creative ideas about what is acceptable PDA. Even without that, at times I get upset just at the number of obvious couples at some public location.
I agree it's challenging to focus on activities I hoped to enjoy or used to enjoy when things are bothering me.
Not sure if you have had to travel much to reach this event or it's in your hometown. Travel affects my mood for sure.
Here's hoping you find some entertaining booths/games at the event and come away feeling better.

 

[KM76710]

I don't think you are whining at all, but as put you are venting, letting off a bit of steam. This is a good place to do that as you want.

 

[nicktheundoer]

So...I'm currently at a video game convention. And I'm trying to feel excited but this has been a difficult week. I have to renew my lease next week and the process is always having to jump through a bunch of tedious hoops. It's stressful and the people I have to deal with seem to think I'm totally flexible around their convoluted schedule and expectations while not even trying with mine.

And as much as I'm trying to focus on enjoying my time at this convention, that's hard, not just because of this week, but because right now, I'm literally in line between two couples. Yeah, I know that's a pathetic thing to be bothered by, but it just is like this reminder that I'm not worth love and acceptance, because if I was, I wouldn't get rejected or outright ignored.

I know others are struggling far more than me. I know I should be grateful for being able to do things I enjoy. But you know...I'm not. It's hard to ignore the heartache and pain. Sorry if I'm whining.

I'm so sorry for your pain..you do deserve love..I hope you can see your worth..God loves you..you can find your worth in that..Hugs

 

[sadhart]

It's pretty much guaranteed I will get upset for one reason or another when it's time to renew a lease (or find another place to fix).
I'm OK standing in lines for about 5 minutes tops.
Some couples have very creative ideas about what is acceptable PDA. Even without that, at times I get upset just at the number of obvious couples at some public location.
I agree it's challenging to focus on activities I hoped to enjoy or used to enjoy when things are bothering me.
Not sure if you have had to travel much to reach this event or it's in your hometown. Travel affects my mood for sure.
Here's hoping you find some entertaining booths/games at the event and come away feeling better.

No, the convention is in my area. Technically, I could have walked to it, but no way would I try that in this heat.

Crowds tend to test every being of my patience but I managed to do okay yesterday. Today may be a little more challenging, particularly because I had to park in a more crowded area today, but I got here early and was able to find a decent spot in a shaded area.

When I see couples, I try to remind myself why I'm here and that I don't need to be with someone to do something I like. The hard part is fully convincing myself of that.

 

[BarryW]

Hmm yes there is definitely some space/time between telling ourselves something and believing it.
How have the last couple days been? Is the convention still going?

 

[SN06]

So...I'm currently at a video game convention. And I'm trying to feel excited but this has been a difficult week. I have to renew my lease next week and the process is always having to jump through a bunch of tedious hoops. It's stressful and the people I have to deal with seem to think I'm totally flexible around their convoluted schedule and expectations while not even trying with mine.

And as much as I'm trying to focus on enjoying my time at this convention, that's hard, not just because of this week, but because right now, I'm literally in line between two couples. Yeah, I know that's a pathetic thing to be bothered by, but it just is like this reminder that I'm not worth love and acceptance, because if I was, I wouldn't get rejected or outright ignored.

I know others are struggling far more than me. I know I should be grateful for being able to do things I enjoy. But you know...I'm not. It's hard to ignore the heartache and pain. Sorry if I'm whining.

different things bother different people. What you feel is real to you, and I empathize with that

 

[sadhart]

Hmm yes there is definitely some space/time between telling ourselves something and believing it.
How have the last couple days been? Is the convention still going?

It ended on Sunday. I took Monday off. I am grateful for the chance to do things like that but there is always this painful realization that my life feels so empty and meaningless. Last night, I was playing this video game and it hit me how I first played it years ago as a teenager. Now, here I am,still mostly enjoying it, but realizing that I'm still just as alone and down about life as I was back then.

I try to tell myself I'm in a good place in my life. I'm five years sober, I am nearing five years working at the same place. But I'm still hurting over my past, and the pain that is hard to ignore when it comes to struggling to feel worthy of someone's love and acceptance. Sorry to constantly say that so much.

 

[BarryW]

But I'm still hurting over my past, and the pain that is hard to ignore when it comes to struggling to feel worthy of someone's love and acceptance. Sorry to constantly say that so much.

I wish my brain had more energy to come up with something useful to say. All I got for now is: