Empathy Only Angry

[Kraken]

Hi All,

I am finding that I have turned into a negative person, angry, paranoid ( everyone is out to get me), stuck in bad stories, the thoughts in my head are blaring with "they hate you", "you have no value". Clearly, I have depression but the drugs do not work. I have to practise the good thought patterns. I went off the practise when I had no others around me to call me out once in a while (as I cannot see it). It is a mess. I cannot see my errors but I know my life is a mess because I am so angry and sad and in pain.

Isolated and not making the effort to meet with people even though the corona virus ban as been loosed

Exhausted, this is so much work to do. I did some to get myself a job but the relationships with people, negative thought patterns, socializations all need fixing.

The issues that need new stories related to being violently stalked for 10 years (his is in jail now), he liked playing on my fears and made it his mission to make them happen. Mom passed away. Lastly dealing with treatment resistant depression with suicidal thoughts which have disrupted my career. As well as anxiety and now fears. It seems it keeps adding.

I use to never care to put in the work because it was fun learning and then there is a reward for good work. But lately the reward for hard work never comes (even when the task is accomplished). Doing the work feels like a chore.

Has anyone gotten out? How? I guess not as we are all on this forum.

I know i marked this as empathy only but I do not mind if u share your stories of success, I do not need to be told how I should feel or run my life. Just what has worked which I might end up trying

 

[1964dodge]

i have gotten out of the bad depression/anxiety as well as bad suicide thoughts. but i don't think anyone recovers 100% forever. i hope things get better for you soon.

mike...

 

[Kraken]

Hi All,

I am finding that I have turned into a negative person, angry, paranoid ( everyone is out to get me), stuck in bad stories, the thoughts in my head are blaring with "they hate you", "you have no value". Clearly, I have depression but the drugs do not work. I have to practise the good thought patterns. I went off the practise when I had no others around me to call me out once in a while (as I cannot see it). It is a mess. I cannot see my errors but I know my life is a mess because I am so angry and sad and in pain.

Isolated and not making the effort to meet with people even though the corona virus ban as been loosed

Exhausted, this is so much work to do. I did some to get myself a job but the relationships with people, negative thought patterns, socializations all need fixing.

The issues that need new stories related to being violently stalked for 10 years (his is in jail now), he liked playing on my fears and made it his mission to make them happen. Mom passed away. Lastly dealing with treatment resistant depression with suicidal thoughts which have disrupted my career. As well as anxiety and now fears. It seems it keeps adding.

I use to never care to put in the work because it was fun learning and then there is a reward for good work. But lately the reward for hard work never comes (even when the task is accomplished). Doing the work feels like a chore.

Has anyone gotten out? How? I guess not as we are all on this forum.

I know i marked this as empathy only but I do not mind if u share your stories of success, I do not need to be told how I should feel or run my life. Just what has worked which I might end up trying

To clearify, I have been working hard on change. Learning from Mel Robbins, hospital out patient programs, various mental health programs, Rob Dial Mindset mentor podcast and a few others and implementing many aspects of self care and coping skills in my life that I learned from them. I am exhausted at this point of constantly fixing myself. Even though I am exhuasted, I still do it anyways. I have improved but slowly. I hate being broken. Just want to be fixed

 

[Kraken]

i have gotten out of the bad depression/anxiety as well as bad suicide thoughts. but i don't think anyone recovers 100% forever. i hope things get better for you soon.

mike...

Thanks Mike for your emojis of comfort and words. Never thought about it that I will have to live with this for life.

 

[iloverachel]

Hi All,

I am finding that I have turned into a negative person, angry, paranoid ( everyone is out to get me), stuck in bad stories, the thoughts in my head are blaring with "they hate you", "you have no value". Clearly, I have depression but the drugs do not work. I have to practise the good thought patterns. I went off the practise when I had no others around me to call me out once in a while (as I cannot see it). It is a mess. I cannot see my errors but I know my life is a mess because I am so angry and sad and in pain.

Isolated and not making the effort to meet with people even though the corona virus ban as been loosed

Exhausted, this is so much work to do. I did some to get myself a job but the relationships with people, negative thought patterns, socializations all need fixing.

The issues that need new stories related to being violently stalked for 10 years (his is in jail now), he liked playing on my fears and made it his mission to make them happen. Mom passed away. Lastly dealing with treatment resistant depression with suicidal thoughts which have disrupted my career. As well as anxiety and now fears. It seems it keeps adding.

I use to never care to put in the work because it was fun learning and then there is a reward for good work. But lately the reward for hard work never comes (even when the task is accomplished). Doing the work feels like a chore.

Has anyone gotten out? How? I guess not as we are all on this forum.

I know i marked this as empathy only but I do not mind if u share your stories of success, I do not need to be told how I should feel or run my life. Just what has worked which I might end up trying

I am also a negative person and i find myself stuck in thought patterns thay are difficult to break out of

The fault is my own and i haye myself for subconsciously doing it for 5 years and now i am paying for it by living a nightmare

 

[KM76710]

To clearify, I have been working hard on change. Learning from Mel Robbins, hospital out patient programs, various mental health programs, Rob Dial Mindset mentor podcast and a few others and implementing many aspects of self care and coping skills in my life that I learned from them. I am exhausted at this point of constantly fixing myself. Even though I am exhuasted, I still do it anyways. I have improved but slowly. I hate being broken. Just want to be fixed

Anything you can try that you believe may help is a plus, a positive. Keeping trying is some of the only control you can really have in life. I wish you all the best in your journey.

 

[Lane]

Hello @Kraken. Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry for everything that you have been through and still going through. Life is definately not easy but it does help to be around others that understand.

Several years ago my therapist wouldn't see me anymore because I was in a relationship with a man that was physically and mentally abusing me and would only see me after I sought help at the local women's shelter. I could have died and suffered PTSD after I got out. I was heavy hearted, angry, and cautious for a couple of years afterwards. He took a lot of trust from me. He stalked me, tried to win me back with extravagant gifts and money. He is the ultimate psychotic narcissist. They wreak havoc on your mind and soul.

So, along with other life issues and time it's possible to see your way out of negative thinking. I do take medicine and have diagnoses. I wish I could have talk therapy but I have to work so I really can't right now. While life isn't perfect, it's better and I know now what not to choose in a mate. Definately no one with a temper.