It should be our 11th anniversary together but it’s the 3rd anniversary of you being gone forever. I wish you knew how much my life has fallen apart without you. You wouldn’t even think I’m the same person. It kills me hearing everyone talk about their little kids and all I do is try not to cry and I usually just have to walk away. My current job is the most I’ve ever been paid, best schedule, and the longest time as an employee, but I keep thinking I should quit and find another where I work more alone so I won’t hear people talk about that stuff. I know everyone thinks I’m dumb and doesn’t like me, which I wouldn’t like me either if I were them, but no one knows any of this because I started right after she died. I feel like a part of me wants to just kill myself and it gradually keeps getting bigger and bigger but part of me doesn’t. I feel like the part of me that thinks I should kill myself is like a self fulfilling prophecy where I am self destructive so it’s an easier choice to die. I was never an alcoholic and haven’t drank anything in over 10 years because I didn’t like the feeling, but now I am tempted every time I go to the grocery store because the destructive part of me tells myself that would make the choice to commit suicide easier. I was always an introvert, but I was never like what I’ve turned into. I don’t have even a speck of self esteem anymore. I never hated myself before but now simply describing it hate is being generous.
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Anniversary
- Thread starter Anonymous E
- Start date
Hi @Anonymous E
I'm sorry about the pain you're feeling
I know how anniversaries can be, the ones that mark loss, or the significant good ones
Even holidays that seemingly everyone enjoys are a painful reminder of loss
I hope you will continue to choose to avoid things that could make suicide easier
I hope you'll find ways and reasons to live
peace
I'm sorry about the pain you're feeling
I know how anniversaries can be, the ones that mark loss, or the significant good ones
Even holidays that seemingly everyone enjoys are a painful reminder of loss
I hope you will continue to choose to avoid things that could make suicide easier
I hope you'll find ways and reasons to live
peace
s.
It’s my birthday and the only thing I want is to have her back. I never enjoyed birthdays just because they make me feel uncomfortable, but now I really hate when it comes around. I hear people around me at work keep talking about their spouses and babies and toddlers and it just hurts and I feel bad for feeling incredibly jealous.
When I was working a job I remember a young man telling me that it was his birthday. He was 30 years old. He said he was so depressed and that his life was half over and he had accomplished nothing.
While some celebrate birthdays, others are saddened by them. I think some people think they are supposed to "go big" in life and do great things. I think happiness in life comes from the small things we do each day.
Attitude is everything. Age is just a number.
While some celebrate birthdays, others are saddened by them. I think some people think they are supposed to "go big" in life and do great things. I think happiness in life comes from the small things we do each day.
Attitude is everything. Age is just a number.
