-
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Please read THIS THREAD about a rebrand for SF.
Anyone else feel like the so-called stages of grief are bullshit?
- Thread starter Aurelia
- Start date
This is what the National Institutes of Health has to say: "There is no scientific foundation, and decades of research have shown that most people do not grieve in stages. Using stages as a guide with bereaved is unhelpful and may even cause harm."
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/ar...scientific foundation,and may even cause harm.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/ar...scientific foundation,and may even cause harm.
Addition to my note: if you need help with grief, here are interviews made with her about the different aspects of grief (60 videos!), have look if it helps.
go to https://vimeo.com/showcase/8949181 and enter the password: goodgriefjulia. ā
go to https://vimeo.com/showcase/8949181 and enter the password: goodgriefjulia. ā
Couldn't agree with this more, its been 3yrs and I still have every fucking "stage" of grief.
@Aurelia I don't think this gets better, not in the way we'd like it to at least, however after talking with someone about this I've found that letting those feelings just happen, feeling the pain instead of blocking it, has lessened the pain, its not as intense, and there are now a day here or there where I don't even think of him, and that's ok. He wouldn't want me to mourn him forever, I'll never forget him and how much he did for me, and am slowly coming to accept that it is ok for me to find my life again, to be happy and free.
@Aurelia I don't think this gets better, not in the way we'd like it to at least, however after talking with someone about this I've found that letting those feelings just happen, feeling the pain instead of blocking it, has lessened the pain, its not as intense, and there are now a day here or there where I don't even think of him, and that's ok. He wouldn't want me to mourn him forever, I'll never forget him and how much he did for me, and am slowly coming to accept that it is ok for me to find my life again, to be happy and free.
Who makes up these things anyway? Probably some crusty old gits with a scientific background who wouldn't know what it felt like to care about anyone. I have lost my mother and father and I would honestly say I don't know what it feels like to grieve. I 'lost' them over the period of my childhood, bit by bit, and by separations. So I don't know the full impact of losing a mother I loved. If I lost my husband I would grieve, but if I lost one of my sons, that is a whole other world of pain. There is no one size fits all, or stages. I know enough from seeing others that it may never get any less painful, others move on really fast. I think it depends on how much you loved them or how much impact they had on you.
Hi @Aurelia.
I know where you are coming from.
I go back and forth erratically through the stages of grief all the time and can be triggered easily which sends me into floods of tears.
I have yet to reach or experience the acceptance stage because 1 step forward seems to be followed by 5 steps back.
I hope things get easier for you soon.
So so tired.
I know where you are coming from.
I go back and forth erratically through the stages of grief all the time and can be triggered easily which sends me into floods of tears.
I have yet to reach or experience the acceptance stage because 1 step forward seems to be followed by 5 steps back.
I hope things get easier for you soon.
So so tired.
I lost my nana a month ago and I feel you im the same don't cry much myself but go through heavy depression and sadness. it also doesn't help my social anxiety. I just feel enough is enough. those forum things with the stages are bs. I would rather be the one to set up a site where the sequence is different.
it would go like this
no one is the same when it comes to greif but we all deal the fucking thing differently
it would go like this
no one is the same when it comes to greif but we all deal the fucking thing differently
I canāt really tell. The way I deal with grief is pretend it didnāt happen.....Stuff it in a filing drawer.... in my brain...then push it all the way back into the abyss.
Then 3-10 years down the road Iāll be goig about my day my day and then bam! I have a meltdown for a week, then I start the process all over again.
Deathly afraid to actually face grief head on... Iām afraid I wonāt be able I deal with it. It has built up for so long I am afraid of even trying to go thru the āproper emotionsā.
It is nice to think there is some choreograph way to deal with grief.... that would make things a WHOLE lot easier! To know what is about to happen, and when you will start to get better.
Unfortunately either I am part of the āluckyā ones That canāt conform to the norm...... Or There is no norm, and other peopleās agendas are being forced upon you so much that you think you are not āgrieving properlyā......and yes I have heard that before.
Like I said I dunno.
I suppose we work with the tools that we have at the time in life.
Then 3-10 years down the road Iāll be goig about my day my day and then bam! I have a meltdown for a week, then I start the process all over again.
Deathly afraid to actually face grief head on... Iām afraid I wonāt be able I deal with it. It has built up for so long I am afraid of even trying to go thru the āproper emotionsā.
It is nice to think there is some choreograph way to deal with grief.... that would make things a WHOLE lot easier! To know what is about to happen, and when you will start to get better.
Unfortunately either I am part of the āluckyā ones That canāt conform to the norm...... Or There is no norm, and other peopleās agendas are being forced upon you so much that you think you are not āgrieving properlyā......and yes I have heard that before.
Like I said I dunno.
I suppose we work with the tools that we have at the time in life.
Iām not sure if I have a diagnosable disprder, other than suicidal thoughts, however Iām totally completely sure that grief is personal. It weaves into and fractures our sense of composure, depending on oneās personality & our moment to moment experiences.
For ex., for 2 years after my brother died, I could not do my runs. Every time I tried, Iād start crying so hard I couldnāt breathe.
For ex., for 2 years after my brother died, I could not do my runs. Every time I tried, Iād start crying so hard I couldnāt breathe.
This is going to sound odd, but it's true (don't hate me!), and it's the things that make me cry. I can go through really shit times, my friends and family can too, and I don't cry at all. And then I see an anime character die and I'm in tears and I think 'Why am I crying for a f**in cartoon character more than my friends who have died?' It makes absolutely no sense to me, much like the rest of my life.
tbh i think it makes sense. its still a thing in your head and as long as it is something that functions the brain has emotions on it. its like me i look after tech (charge it service it myself ect) it makes me feel like that empty part inside me has been filled as im looking after something. as for the no crying with friends and family it will be because your brain needs to process what first happened and when it does things like that trigger it. may be weird to you but its totally normal believe it or not