anyone?
- Thread starter MoAnamCara
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Am I that repugnant? Am I really all those things I was told I was? I believed it at the time and I suppose deep down I still do. And now it appears those closest to me are bothered by me. Maybe its just me bothering them. Maybe it is just me. Shouldn't I have realized that by now?
No call, I don't know why I bother trying. It hurts.
No call, I don't know why I bother trying. It hurts.
You know that isn't what people are saying Mo. We're merely trying to show you that you are deserving of good things. Everyone needs and deserves love, affection, consideration and caring, that's a part of being human. Don't isolate yourself, or think you are 'wrong' for being in need, of needing support, you are cared about, whether you believe that to be the case or not, and I think you're awesome.
Hugs xx
Hugs xx
Your 'drivel' is not in any way 'ludicrous' Mo. You have every right to be hurting, and in need of support. Everyone needs to be cared for, you aren't the exception, and you ARE cared about. In regards to the pushing people away part, I agree with that. you do try and do that at times, but you know by now I won't allow you to push me away, no matter how hard you try. Because I know that when you do that, it's when you are hurting the most. I know I haven't been the greatest friend at all, but especially in the past few days, but that doesn't mean for one second that I care about you any less. If you can't believe in yourself right now, let us believe in you. Because we do, and you deserve it more than most people I know xx
It is crazy
I do not have a right
Yes re pushing people away
No, you HAVE been a great friend
Don't even bother trying to believe in me. For what I have done, the choices I have made got me to where I am now. Those choices produced the events that happened. That is something I live with, or maybe I won't.
As for now, my concern is obviously and selfishly about myself. What is RIGHT about that? NOTHING, not a damn thing. My concern should be elsewhere, on those who are ill.
Go figure, I am not, afterall, this person you believe me to be.
and now I kindly request to be either put on leave or banned or my account be closed or similar.
Thank you.
I do not have a right
Yes re pushing people away
No, you HAVE been a great friend
Don't even bother trying to believe in me. For what I have done, the choices I have made got me to where I am now. Those choices produced the events that happened. That is something I live with, or maybe I won't.
As for now, my concern is obviously and selfishly about myself. What is RIGHT about that? NOTHING, not a damn thing. My concern should be elsewhere, on those who are ill.
Go figure, I am not, afterall, this person you believe me to be.
and now I kindly request to be either put on leave or banned or my account be closed or similar.
Thank you.
Yes.. you DO have a right. Every human being has the right to feel how they feel. Not only do YOU have the right to that, but you are also undeniably justified in feeling the way you feel. You are under SO much stress, so much strain, and you don't give yourself enough credit. if I were in the situation you are in, I wouldn't be able to do half the things you do. And I know.. I know.. you hate people saying you are 'strong', so I shan't say it, though I personally believe it. It's not selfish to be needing support! How many times has most members here had their moments of needing support, myself included? You paint yourself to have all these 'bad traits' but you forget that this is part of humanity. What about the amount of times I have told you exactly the same thing, about how I am grossly selfish etc.. and what do you say to me? The same rules apply to yourself. As for telling me that I don't know you properly.. no, I don't for one second claim that I do, but what I am prepared to state is that you are a lovely person. How do I know that? I know that by talking to you for hours a day, most days a week. Anyone can put a facade on, pretend to be someone they aren't, but after a few hours/days/weeks that would slip. I've known you for months. And it hasn't slipped. Not once. So while I might not know you completely, I know you enough to know you are a good person. A good person who is hurting.
You asking to be put on leave is another way for you to try and push people away. Clearly I am not in any position to stand in your way of this, it is after all your account, and your decision, however, I've been in contact with you when you have been on leave before, and you know that it spirals even more for you when you request this. I don't want to see you pushing away anything that might be of slight benefit to you, I don't want to see you hurting and being completely alone. You don't deserve that Mo, no matter how you perceive yourself. xx
You asking to be put on leave is another way for you to try and push people away. Clearly I am not in any position to stand in your way of this, it is after all your account, and your decision, however, I've been in contact with you when you have been on leave before, and you know that it spirals even more for you when you request this. I don't want to see you pushing away anything that might be of slight benefit to you, I don't want to see you hurting and being completely alone. You don't deserve that Mo, no matter how you perceive yourself. xx
((((((((((((Mo))))))))))))) I wish that I could reach through the computer and flip a switch to make you see yourself as the good, amazing, priceless person you are. You make such a beautiful difference in the world, you absolutely have to me. Your struggle is uniquely your own, and requires unfathomable strength to endure. But I know from experience how when you are insulted, knocked down and taken apart day after day after day, that negativity tattoos itself on your psyche. And it creates in us a compulsion to pick up and continue to hurt ourselves where those who brutalized us left off. And I also know that you push us away because what we say contradicts everything that you can't help but believe about yourself. I know that right now the negative ideas that have been cruelly forced into your head leave no room for positive ideas. I know that you feel like if we "really knew you" we'd see you as you see yourself. I struggle with similar negative thoughts that have run on a loop in my head since I was a small child. I understand this part of you as well as anybody could, Mo. You have every right to take a break from SF or close your account, but I really, really hope you don't. Isolating yourself from those who not only care, but on varying levels understand what you are going through seems like the opposite of what you need. I know you can't love yourself right now (I feel the same way about myself), but please try to be compassionate towards yourself today, even if it's just a minute at a time. I truly do care, Mo, and I'm just one of many. Sending love, hugs, friendship and healing energy...T :console:
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