For the past year my life has been hell, my anxiety, depression, and OCD have been severe. I had to take this past semester off due to problems with my medications. After coming off my meds in January the withdrawals that took a long time to end and then the return of my depression and anxiety, it paralyzed me. I have not felt the same since last year. My OCD is purely obsessional and it takes up so much of my time mentally. I was briefly in an out patient program a few months ago, then left and found a part time job. That is all I have been doing. All the things I used to like doing, my hobbies such as reading, writing, going to the gym, riding my bike, listening to music, watching movies, they don’t do anything for me at all. I don’t feel any better or different doing those things. The only thing I still do is go to work on the days they have me scheduled, it gets me out of the house but the work sucks. These days I don’t do much, nothing helps me with my symptoms. I barely make it to work and sometimes it actually makes me feel worse being there since I can’t focus, concentrate or socialize with anyone and my symptoms at work can easily be triggered leaving me feeling ten times worse. They don’t give me that many hours and I am paid almost minimum wage, I think about quitting that job all the time since I hate it so much. I feel like such a failure and so unproductive, it makes me feel guilty and like a loser, like a waste. At home I try doing the things I used to like such as reading books, I am reading a book right now but doing it very slowly, online I read and research a little bit but not as much as I used to. I don’t care to watch anything or listen to music anymore. I don’t feel like doing anything or going out and that makes me feel very guilty. I feel like I should be back to normal and doing the things I liked but I am unable to. It does not matter what I am doing or trying to do, my mind and mood is always with anxiety, sadness, grief, fear, or obsessing about things, I really can’t do much or get past it, it consumes me. All I feel like doing is sleeping or sitting down which of course is not good either so I force myself to exercise and get out. Everyday is a struggle to get out of bed because I know it will be another day of nothingness besides the anxiety, the depression, and the obsessions and ruminations. I am being robbed of my life. I talk to some people and it never helps, I still feel the same, my therapist cannot even help me, I feel we are going in circles. My psychiatrist suggests an out patient program or hospitalization so that I can have time to find the right meds and adjust to them, I would have to quit my job if I went to either of these, which is ok with me, but my job is the only responsibility that I have right now and when I go I force myself to and even though it makes me feel worse or it sucks being there, it gets me out of the house, so I am scared to not have that job. I am scheduled to be back in school full time this coming September but I worry so much that I will still be the same come September. I feel so guilty, worthless, and upset with myself for not be able to live and do normal things the way I used to, I feel like a loser and a failure. I know this is a mental illness and the symptoms are bad, the anxiety mixed with the depression, but I feel like it is my fault for having these symptoms, or like I am using it all as an excuse to give up on everything which makes no sense since before feeling this bad I was able to do things (there goes my analyzing and obsessing). I am mentally paralyzed and being robbed of my life right now, I feel useless, unable to help myself or other people, though I try. Is anyone else going through this? Feel similar? Such as not being able to do things or have an occupation such as school or work? If so, how do you cope and how does this make you feel?