Asking for help

[TenaciousOne]

I am in a relationship that involves domestic violence and I am the abuser. Wow.. that is hard to say. Never did I ever imagine I'd have to admit that. I am 33 and this has been going on since I was 19. Just the other day I called a hotline and asked for resources and help in my area. I'm so ashamed and feel so guilty for what I have done. It lead to my most recent suicide attempt a few weeks ago. What I've done is not OK and there is no one to blame but myself.

My partner and I have talked about the issue and she is willing to stick by my side. If it happens again she will be gone. Which I understand. I hope I can get the help that I need!!

I just needed to get that out. I don't have anyone that I feel comfortable talking to about it in fear I'm going to be judged or that I'm a horrible person.

 

[Petal]

Keep and keep reaching out for help. You cannot keep doing that. It could destroy her emotionally, physically, mentally. Please get some help, I beg you. And as much as you hate talking about it, talk about it even more, it will help to get your feelings out in a healthy way.

 

[TenaciousOne]

Thanks Music! I have a phone call this afternoon with a place here locally that has treatment for the abusers. Not sure what the next step will be, but it's a start.

 

[TenaciousOne]

Well I made the call, but they can't help me. They only work with men. He said he'd reach out to someone else he knows and get back to me in a day or two.

 

[Mayflower7]

Hi Tenaciousone,
Well done for seeking out help, please stop hurting her and yourself by doing it. Have anger management training and learn to stop yourself, by waking away or distracting yourself. You have to Re-train yourself, guilt will help you to change. Relationship counselling may help for both of you. Learn calming techniques, great you have talked to your partner about it and she supports you. This has to stop, please try any help to stop you.
Take care
Kate