I am in a relationship that involves domestic violence and I am the abuser. Wow.. that is hard to say. Never did I ever imagine I'd have to admit that. I am 33 and this has been going on since I was 19. Just the other day I called a hotline and asked for resources and help in my area. I'm so ashamed and feel so guilty for what I have done. It lead to my most recent suicide attempt a few weeks ago. What I've done is not OK and there is no one to blame but myself. My partner and I have talked about the issue and she is willing to stick by my side. If it happens again she will be gone. Which I understand. I hope I can get the help that I need!! I just needed to get that out. I don't have anyone that I feel comfortable talking to about it in fear I'm going to be judged or that I'm a horrible person.