awareness

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by ava321, May 29, 2014.

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  1. ava321

    ava321 Active Member

    I absolutely HATE that I am 100% aware of how seriously depressed I am. I know I have problems and I need to deal with it.. but I can't.

    I have literally not felt happiness in months. I just feel this really deep sadness in my heart. Love life is difficult and a long story I don't want to get into- but it's not happening. I just finished school and I'm trying to find a teaching job.. NOPE. Not happening for me. I feel like I've been fully rejected in every aspect of my life, even in work.

    I do NOT want to read a book, take a walk, find a hobby, or any other useless idea I keep getting suggested. I hate being outside. I'm not interested in reading. I don't care for exercise. I don't want to learn something new.

    I want to punch the next person who tells me "oh you'll find a job eventually!" I can't even leave my room without somebody asking if I have a job yet. How about somebody be happy that I put myself through a university and got my BS in Education with absolutely no support from anybody but myself? Does everybody really need to remind me that I'm totally worthless and don't have a job?

    I'm just going back to staring at the wall. I've done everything I can today. At least the wall doesn't judge me.

    My life is a black hole.
     
  2. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    Perhaps you do not, at the moment, have the will to do things or even the desire... but that does not mean you should not try to do them. I have suffered depression almost 30 years and I can tell you, when my depression is at its worst... the things I need to do most are the exact things my mind tells me I do NOT want to do... so I've found the secret to fighting off depression is doing the opposite of what your mind tells you to do/not to do. I also use essential oils, relaxation techniques, vitamins and exercise. I am not naming these things as suggestions to you as it seems to me that you are getting rather frustrated both at yourself and at those that do try to offer up specific ideas... rather what I am doing is encouraging you to fight your depression and tell it that it cannot have control of your mind, your body, your life.... those are all yours.. take back the control!

    Good luck in your journey to find the best way for you to do that... I do believe you can, but you have to believe in yourself too.

    Take care.
     
  3. thannis

    thannis Active Member

    have you tried video games? something like arkham city might help to get your mind off things even if it's just for a bit.
     
  4. normaljoe

    normaljoe Well-Known Member

    okay, don't get a hobby, don't try to take your mind off your depression, your illogical black/white thoughts and just stare at the wall or what I like to call "The Abyss". cause that sends out resumes <<<*sarcasm if you didn't notice* ..... REAL TALK>>>> I am sorry you do not like the people's responses, but one would take care to thank the people that are willing to listen and reply. I know what you mean about not being able to find a job. I am 24 years old, a BA in psych, Law school enrollment cycle ends when I get out of the military, so now I have 2 years to pay for rent and the only job I can find is at the local Burger King because every other food joint said I was over qualified and the places that I want to work at say I don't have enough experience. too bad your military history means absolutely jack sh#t. and coupled with family problems bout the only thing keeping me sane is my meds. no joke, job hunting f#cking sucks. no doubt there. I do not know how you are searching for jobs but here are the things I am using. Careerbuilder.com, Monster.com, careeronestop.com, clearedjobs.net indeed.com, theLadders.com, simplyhired.com snagajob.com, update your resume, idc if you just did do it again. send it to a professor you may be in contact with or one of your former employees to take a look or ANYONE you know that works in Human resources. hope this helped.
     
  5. ava321

    ava321 Active Member


    Wow yeah thanks. I spent today filling out applications and sending personal e-mails to principals hoping to get an interview out of it. Yet one more person assuming I'm not doing anything because I express my depression somewhere. Nevermind. And I didn't reply because I found something to do for a few hours. Thanks for also assuming I'm an ungrateful person.
     
  6. ava321

    ava321 Active Member

    Yeah. I play a variety on my computer, I just get bored of the same thing after a while.
     
  7. ava321

    ava321 Active Member

    thanks.
     
  8. normaljoe

    normaljoe Well-Known Member

    "I do NOT want to read a book, take a walk, find a hobby, or any other useless idea I keep getting suggested. I hate being outside. I'm not interested in reading. I don't care for exercise. I don't want to learn something new.

    I want to punch the next person who tells me "oh you'll find a job eventually!" I can't even leave my room without somebody asking if I have a job yet."


    Gratitude at its finest I assume?
     
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