This doesnt affect me much and I dont want it to contaminate my infinite mega-shit-thread. Well, it affects as in, it happened and left my brain reverberating... Because my shit brain works like this, and will have it in my mind occupying space.
I think it was 4 months ago, a girl in a discord server about loneliness messaged me to talk. She was an indian from UK (apparently) and sent me pics and apparently she was pretty. Although I was never sure cause the pics looked always too perfect, but asked ChatGPT and Gemini about several ones and said they were ok. Idk how ppl can take those perfect pics.
We just talked for 2 days. I was affectionate and she showed to be receptive and was affectionate too.
So then... I really need to make a connection, and for that I need to feel fully accepted, and for that I need to tell how i really feel about myself, be true or not... And I told her I was weak and needy and insecure and more things... She listened for a bit but... Then turned and started insulting me and calling me everything, basically trying to hurt me with all the things I told her that were hurting me.
The words themselves dont hurt me at all... What truly hurt me is that I thought I could trust her when I couldnt, the betrayal, the death of someone who didnt exist.
The intention to hurt me is something I absolutely consider despicable and someone who does that I absolutely discard, I cannot feel attraction or anything towards that person. I tried to explain this but not very well so I doubt she understood, or that she can understand it even with proper words. Of course I blocked her.
Today some random girl from the same discord added me. Sus username, account made just today, sus profile pic of a hot girl. I kinda expected it to be the other crazy girl that harassed me with several accounts, but to my surprise it was this girl again. This time I tried to explain more correctly and blocked her... Its a shame, because now that I had time to write it out in peace I think I used the proper words. Im not good with words.
Id like to never talk to her again to not waste my time, since my mind is fucked and will give too much attention to these things, but Im afraid she will come back some day again... I deleted all my messages in that server and left it and changed my username, but found out that she can still see my new username even blocked... I guess she will delete her account, and then Ill have to change it then. I hate to be having to think about this.
I am disappointed of her and of people like this. As I said, at some point I thought I could trust her, and while it might sound dumb, I still mourn that person who didnt really exist...
I think it was 4 months ago, a girl in a discord server about loneliness messaged me to talk. She was an indian from UK (apparently) and sent me pics and apparently she was pretty. Although I was never sure cause the pics looked always too perfect, but asked ChatGPT and Gemini about several ones and said they were ok. Idk how ppl can take those perfect pics.
We just talked for 2 days. I was affectionate and she showed to be receptive and was affectionate too.
So then... I really need to make a connection, and for that I need to feel fully accepted, and for that I need to tell how i really feel about myself, be true or not... And I told her I was weak and needy and insecure and more things... She listened for a bit but... Then turned and started insulting me and calling me everything, basically trying to hurt me with all the things I told her that were hurting me.
The words themselves dont hurt me at all... What truly hurt me is that I thought I could trust her when I couldnt, the betrayal, the death of someone who didnt exist.
The intention to hurt me is something I absolutely consider despicable and someone who does that I absolutely discard, I cannot feel attraction or anything towards that person. I tried to explain this but not very well so I doubt she understood, or that she can understand it even with proper words. Of course I blocked her.
Today some random girl from the same discord added me. Sus username, account made just today, sus profile pic of a hot girl. I kinda expected it to be the other crazy girl that harassed me with several accounts, but to my surprise it was this girl again. This time I tried to explain more correctly and blocked her... Its a shame, because now that I had time to write it out in peace I think I used the proper words. Im not good with words.
Id like to never talk to her again to not waste my time, since my mind is fucked and will give too much attention to these things, but Im afraid she will come back some day again... I deleted all my messages in that server and left it and changed my username, but found out that she can still see my new username even blocked... I guess she will delete her account, and then Ill have to change it then. I hate to be having to think about this.
I am disappointed of her and of people like this. As I said, at some point I thought I could trust her, and while it might sound dumb, I still mourn that person who didnt really exist...
