back from the hospital, (warning) may be triggering

[curtis]

i dont know why I'm posting this here i guess it helps to let it out. Well the other day i was feeling very numb as per usual and i met up with my best friend, who is a girl we had a great day and we cuddled for hours.

For some reason though something just clicked in my head that i wanted to die as soon as i was out of her company <Mod Edit:Method> i was then carted of to the hospital for treatment were as u ca see I'm fine but i still cant over i actually tried to do it. i never thought i would i only thught i had suicidal thoughts.

It has honestly scared me and it made my best friend cry so i hopefully wont have any more urges to do that again as i cant bare to see her cry, it feels like I'm being stabbed when i see her like that. that was a bit off topic bt if youe reading this thanks for giving damn

 

[AlexiMarie7]

Hi Curtis,

I'm glad you are out of the hospital; did you have any therapy as part of your treatment? It must have been scary going from the thoughts/ideation to actually attempting. I'm super glad you are here today. I guess it is somewhat good that you saw the effect it had on your friend, if this is something that will help you in future.

I have a lot more damns to give if you want/need.

 

[SillyOldBear]

Curtis, I am so very glad you are with us today. It must be terrifying going from the joy of cuddling, to over dosing and landing in the hospital. I hope you are able to get some therapy for this. Please take care of yourself.

 

[curtis]

thanks, yea i did get some therapy alex

 

[moxman]

Hi Curtis, maybe a regular exercise routine will help you feel better?
have you thought about keeping a journal to express how you feel?

 

[curtis]

yea excersise sounds good, no I don't keep a journal, I usually just punch shit, not the best idea

 

[moxman]

I just know a journal really helped me when I was going through hell and it really helped me. Maybe you could give it a shot?

 

[curtis]

yea ill try it thanks

 

[SinisterKid]

Glad to see you are still with us curtis and of course we give a damn, you are one of SF's own, like we all are.

Whilst I agree to a point with journals, they can be triggers for some because you can start thinking again about things that have since passed you by and have largely been forgotten about, so just be wary of that trap. I used to write a lot of poetry, that helped me at the time. But one particular piece I wrote was about parts of my childhoood and it appeared that one memory unlocked another and another etc etc until something got unlocked that was much better off left well alone. It didn't do me much good unlocking that one.

Just relaying a little personal experience on that for you to consider is all, not being critical of the advice at all.

 

[curtis]

I understand sinister and I appreciate the advice

 

[moxman]

How are you hanging in there? Are the meds working for you/

 

[curtis]

How are you hanging in there? Are the meds working for you/

yea I'm doing okay the meds are working a bit but I am reluctant to take them sometimes.