be careful what you wish for ...

[sorry_mozart]

I have a confession. Sometimes, I wish I would just go insane. This is a terrible thing to wish upon oneself, I know, but it honestly seems more desirable right now than the wretchedness of depression, a miserable, in-between existence, in which I still have the capacity for rational thought, but am utterly incapable of living a normal and productive life.

Sometimes I wish I could just snap, lose the plot, put underpants on my head, stick pencils up my nose and shout ‘bibble’ at the top of my voice. I want to talk to Jesus and stray cats, I want the voices to tell me what to do and I want to proclaim myself the Emperor of Antarctica.

What a sick thing to wish for! But I bet I’m not the only one, am I ?

 

[Lost Disciple]

Oh no, not entirely.

 

[smackh2o]

Insanity of that degree is not something you want. You just want to stop feeling the way you do right now, and there is nothing wrong with that.
People who have such mental health problems do feel pain, it's really not a nice life. The frustration, you can see it in their eyes.
I've always thought that everyone is insane anyway. It's just that we're all insane in the same way. Lean on people and let them help you. Your cared about. No one will think you bad that you can't live normally right now. Your depressed and that can put a real damper on your production. Someone asked me if I wanted a coffee the other day, it took me 2 minutes to give them an answer. Take it easy on concentrate on finding ways to make you feel good and better.

 

[Malcontent]

I've longed to go totally insane before, just to stop the constant whirl of thoughts going round and round in my head. To not have to think. It doesn't make you a bad person if you think like that, it just means you're someone in a lot of pain.

 

[letdown]

I suppose you could consciously 'snap' and do those things for a while and see if you feel better? I don't see those things as 'insane' or maybe i'm already 'round the bend myself. :smile:

I hear the pain that you're going through though. :hug: Pain can be experienced by people who do the 'insane' things you mention too. That manic-possessed-buzz. There is a lot of whirlwind-thinking going on, despite everyone thinking you've lost your mind... and your ability to think.

However, on the other hand, 'bizarre' actions can also be quite "freeing" for a while, if the anguish behind isn't the driving force. Certain 'insane actions' can be like play-acting or being like a child again- and I don't see anything wrong in that- as long as it is not harming anyone or yourself.

I found that since seeing my counsellor I use a lot of outward experimentation when it comes to getting feelings out, rather than in. And yes, I look like a nutcase a lot of the time but it does help...