Becoming More Confident w/ Friends

[moonie]

To get this out of the way, i never really had friends in early school years and most of middle school. My voice was very quite and i am a very quite person in general. I don't think i was an obnoxious boy???? maybe just boring? But until 8th grade i started trying to get out of my bubble and i did end up with a group of pretty great friends. I joke around a lot more, and i'm not as enclosed.

but despite all that, i'm still very conscious about myself. even joking around or talking directly to one of them straight up kind of 'unsettles' me(???) i can't properly look at any of them in the eyes, and personal problems is just a whole other story i can't ever bring up. And it's not like they're unfamiliar with mental illnesses or anything (i think??). One of them had a lapse when his grades were declining and his family relation wasn't going to well. One of them has pretty bad stage fright and i think a bit of anxiety.

but i don't know how to bring up anything with my friends 1) i'm (as said before) very conscious of what others think of me including friends and family and, 2) most of the time they brush off what i hint at or directly state. i mean, it's probably my fault. i always joke about this type of stuff about myself and i don't think they take me seriously anymore. everything i like i purposely do crap at now because i feel like i'm just showing off to my friends, now i find no enjoyment into what i like and i'm just that one friend who's bad at everything but's he's funny.

i know they probably don't and wouldn't think bad of me, but i'm still so paranoid of what everybody sees of me and how i present myself i can't do anything to better help myself. i have to wait hours or even days before i read replies or post something like this because i'm scared

i really just want to be able to go out with them and properly be a good friend

 

[Dawn]

Hi moonie and welcome. I am sooo sorry u didn't get a reply sooner! I'm so sorry things are so difficult. I think we are all self conscious in our own ways. It is pretty normal to care what others think so much when young. It does get better as u get older and these things won't matter as much.

I'm sure u are a very good friend. Therapy could help u gain more confidence, so u could try that. Don't be too hard yourself because we all have our struggles. Best wishes to u.

 

[Petal]

Hi @moonie welcome to the forum, sorry for the late reply, some posts just get lost in the flow of things.

Just be yourself. You see like a good caring loveable friend. I think therapy could help you, is that an option open to you?

I am not a doctor but what you describe seems like you suffer from anxiety, maybe have a look into that, anxiety is treatable.

(hugs) if wanted

 

[Paisley]

Do you see a therapist at all? It might be helpful if you want someone to talk with about these things who isn't one of your friends. Some of your friends might even already be seeing one themselves. (That's not to say you have to discuss it with them, though.)

Also, you can be funny and good at things at the same time. That's a different way you could show off to your friends: pick one hobby you want to get good at and practice whatever it is to the moon and back.

I know it's an overused saying, but you have to be your best friend first. Work on liking yourself and others will like you in turn.