I have not been on here for a while because I was doing good. This whole year has been tough, but not to the point where I was feeling suicidal and worthless. These past couple of months have been hard. I feel like I am crying all the time, thinking about different things. Today I felt very sad and thought maybe it be easier if I was not around. I feel really alone and like I can’t talk to anyone about this. I only have my brother and my mom in my family and can’t talk to them about this. I don’t know if it’s just the end of the year and everything this year I kept bottled up and now it’s exploding. The new year is supposed to be happy, but it only makes me sadder because everyone is closer to the end and it scares me. I am going to be entirely alone one day.
i did have a cat Riley who passed after one year at the end of last year. I still can’t handle his passing. Everytime I think about it I start bawling my eyes out.i miss him so much. I wonder if he’s safe where he’s at and if he knows what’s going on. I have another cat who is 5 years old and a princess. It terrifies me to think that one day she will get old and I won’t be able to handle her death. I wonder if she will understand where she’s going and what is happening to her. I know it’s messed up but I am like counting the years to se hoe many years left I have to cherish.
i am just missing everyone in my life I was really close to. My grandma passed in 2017 and I cry every time I think about her. I wish she was still here with me and someone I can talk to.
besides all that, work has been okay. I just feel like I don’t contribute to anything. I am just existing. Just here invisible. I am a loner and I don’t talk to people often so I feel like it my fault I am alone. I do better writing and texting people. I do have social anxiety and it feel like no one understands that and why I behave the way I do.
soory for the rant, it has been a while since I left it all out.
i did have a cat Riley who passed after one year at the end of last year. I still can’t handle his passing. Everytime I think about it I start bawling my eyes out.i miss him so much. I wonder if he’s safe where he’s at and if he knows what’s going on. I have another cat who is 5 years old and a princess. It terrifies me to think that one day she will get old and I won’t be able to handle her death. I wonder if she will understand where she’s going and what is happening to her. I know it’s messed up but I am like counting the years to se hoe many years left I have to cherish.
i am just missing everyone in my life I was really close to. My grandma passed in 2017 and I cry every time I think about her. I wish she was still here with me and someone I can talk to.
besides all that, work has been okay. I just feel like I don’t contribute to anything. I am just existing. Just here invisible. I am a loner and I don’t talk to people often so I feel like it my fault I am alone. I do better writing and texting people. I do have social anxiety and it feel like no one understands that and why I behave the way I do.
soory for the rant, it has been a while since I left it all out.
