Been thinking of violent thoughts

[Tottakai]

How can i help myself? I was a victim last year in a violent circumstance, and every now and then i get these thoughts of killing the people who attacked me. They broke my leg... i mean broke, like, broke apart. Took 9 months until i could walk again properly. Today, i am still suffering from that event.

I am a good guy, as someone who knows me would say. But it is so hard for me to accept the fact that i think of killing these people.

What can i do? How to get peace in my mind?

 

[Windhover]

Sorry that this happened - I'll say that at the outset.
Work on your self and your health. Put violent thoughts aside for now. Keep putting them aside. Here, it you are so inclined, you're welcome to post your feelings without fear of judgement. Tne stories we have are often riddled with trauma and we can share them here and get support and interaction.

 

[may71]

Sorry that this happened.

it is so hard for me to accept the fact that i think of killing these people.

What can i do? How to get peace in my mind?

I think it's natural to have some desire for revenge on people who have hurt you. I don't think you should try to force yourself not to have those thoughts, or feel guilty about them. However, there may be cases where you can replace those thoughts with more peaceful ones, without repressing your feelings.

At times, when you catch yourself having violent thoughts, you might ask yourself, "Do you I really need to think about this right now?", or perhaps remind yourself that this was something in the past.

Another approach might be to wish for something good for yourself, or for the world as compensation for this event rather than wishing harm on your enemies.

I heard a story about a yogi who was said to be able to project energy into the heart chakra of other people, causing them to having overwhelming feelings of love. So instead of imagining yourself beating the crap out of your enemies, you might imagine having the power to project overwhelming feelings of love in the their hearts, causing them to weep and feel great regret for hurting you. That might help to satisfy the emotional need that you have, while yet being a more positive thought.

I've also hear that there are martial arts where you can knock out or subdue an enemy without hurting them, so imagining that you can do that might be a more positive approach.

 

[may71]

The reading-well.org.uk (no www) has a list of self-treatment books. One of the most highly recommended books for treating depression is:

Mind Over Mood, Second Edition: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think
Dennis Greenberger, Christine A. Padesky

It's a book about CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. That approach doesn't necessarily work well for everybody, but it can help if the way you are thinking is a factor in how you feel.

There are also other CBT books on the reading-well list. There's evidence that learning CBT techniques from a book can be helpful.

 

[SamB]

Hi,

First, my sympathies for what has happened to you. It is not right or fair and must have been terrible experience.

Its quite normal to think about revenge, of course you absolutely mustn’t try to do anything for real but you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself.

I have had a lot of bad things happen to me, some deserved and some not and I definitely think about revenge sometimes.

What I sometimes contemplate is whether I would rather have revenge or for the bad thing that happened to not have happened. So think about if you were in one of those films where god comes down and gives you a choice would you choose revenge or would you choose to just not have had your leg broken at all.

 

[Tottakai]

Once when i meditated, i was able to get rid of these negative thoughts. But they came back after few months... the worst thing is that i get really detailed thoughts on how to kill them, very detailed plans... and very detailed plans how to inflict suffering to them. I dont like these thoughts at all... But i still feel like i should punish these people, bad people. They might hurt someone else otherwise. Police told me they stopped investigation because they couldnt find the people.

It just sucks so much. I remember the day i felt God (i am atheist), all loving being... and now i feel the opposite... Breaks my heart to even think these things... just want inner peace...

 

[may71]

I think if you feel the need to have these negative thoughts, then it's probably better not to try to repress them or feel guilty about them. At the same time, it's also good not to feed or encourage them.

But i still feel like i should punish these people, bad people. They might hurt someone else otherwise.

It could be that an attempt to hurt them would backfire, or an innocent person might be accidentally hurt in the process. I don't think you have a moral duty to hurt them, so I hope you'll think about this differently.

 

[may71]

Once when i meditated, i was able to get rid of these negative thoughts. But they came back after few months

What I've heard said is that it's better not to try to push down any thoughts when you meditate, but rather observe them when they arise, and also allow them to go with out trying to force them out.

I think having a daily meditation practice could really help you, so I hope you'll continue with that.

just want inner peace

I think it's possible for someone to cultivate a point of view where you see a silver lining in everything. That's especially difficult to do when you've encountered violence. You'd probably have to be at least a little bit crazy to see the good in something like that, but in principle for some people it's possible to see the world like that. Not everyone is cut out for that imho, but if having inner peace is the most important thing for you, it might be good for you.

 

[Tottakai]

What I've heard said is that it's better not to try to push down any thoughts when you meditate, but rather observe them when they arise, and also allow them to go with out trying to force them out.

yeah... thats what i learned long time ago. but its hard to allow these killer thoughts to come to my mind. when i allow them, i just get more and more killer thoughts... and nothing helps out of it. except meditation... i am so tired every day, even when i know how to meditate, i just want to ignore everything... i watch tv series until i sleep... because i dont want to think. maybe i just need to try to calm down, look at the wall, and meditate... it just feels so damn hard... its weird but when i was younger, i did that every day. now it feels impossible somehow. i dont know why? i want to protect something in myself by not thinking? i have been depressed even before the incident. maybe i just need to stop being a baby, and actually stop and shut down my computer, think and think... meditate. it seems so hard nowadays... you ever feel that? constant streaming of social media and shit. no time being alone...

You'd probably have to be at least a little bit crazy to see the good in something like that, but in principle for some people it's possible to see the world like that. Not everyone is cut out for that imho, but if having inner peace is the most important thing for you, it might be good for you.

yeah... i went through many phases during my recovery, the last phase was forgiveness. but then every day i felt my leg not being well, it just reminded of these bad people... and it reminded of revenge. i just wish to revenge them all the time... i know its bad in the eyes of "god" (i am atheist), but still... i feel the urge.

blah... (more aggressive shit here, censored).

 

[may71]

when i allow them, i just get more and more killer thoughts

I think you can allow the thoughts to increase, the trick is to try to not feed or encourage them. You might want to talk to a meditation instructor about how to handle this.

constant streaming of social media and shit. no time being alone...

Decreasing your mental stimulation may help. I'm not sure how you would feel about reducing your social media time.

 

[Aves]

I am sorry to hear that this has happened to you, I was attacked when I was 18 and I experienced similar violent thoughts and fantasies of exacting revenge after the incident.
I don’t know if this is available or appropriate for you but I found that counselling really helped me.
All I can really say is that it’s ok and totally understandable to have these thoughts, I suppose what’s important is that you don’t act on them. I find that suppressing them makes them all the more powerful so I guess it’s about transforming them in to something that doesn’t cause you as much distress. For me, time was a great healer and like I said, counselling was fantastic but I hope you can find something that will help you.

 

[Tottakai]

I think you can allow the thoughts to increase, the trick is to try to not feed or encourage them. You might want to talk to a meditation instructor about how to handle this.


Decreasing your mental stimulation may help. I'm not sure how you would feel about reducing your social media time.

Yeah...

I am sorry to hear that this has happened to you, I was attacked when I was 18 and I experienced similar violent thoughts and fantasies of exacting revenge after the incident.
I don’t know if this is available or appropriate for you but I found that counselling really helped me.
All I can really say is that it’s ok and totally understandable to have these thoughts, I suppose what’s important is that you don’t act on them. I find that suppressing them makes them all the more powerful so I guess it’s about transforming them in to something that doesn’t cause you as much distress. For me, time was a great healer and like I said, counselling was fantastic but I hope you can find something that will help you.

i am afraid of talking about these things, that they would call police to me.

 

[nicktheundoer]

How can i help myself? I was a victim last year in a violent circumstance, and every now and then i get these thoughts of killing the people who attacked me. They broke my leg... i mean broke, like, broke apart. Took 9 months until i could walk again properly. Today, i am still suffering from that event.

I am a good guy, as someone who knows me would say. But it is so hard for me to accept the fact that i think of killing these people.

What can i do? How to get peace in my mind?

Don't worry..I had some traumatic event too..and I wished they'd all burn in hell..forgive them..just as Jesus forgave everyone who crucified him..I had insane amount of rage connected with ptsd because of that event..I'm working on it..I still get horrors and anger when someone tries to put me in that place again where I got traumatized..The only solution is to forgive them..be kind to yourself..

 

[Aves]

Yeah...


i am afraid of talking about these things, that they would call police to me.

I understand your concerns but they shouldn’t do as that would be a breach of confidentiality. I never reported my attack to the police because I was too afraid to do so and nothing was ever said to them by my counsellor. I think the only time they will break confidentiality is if you or anyone else is/are in danger.