Being constantly isolated and rejected = bullying? What is worse?

Discussion in 'Bullying and Violence' started by Merlot, Nov 6, 2014.

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  1. Merlot

    Merlot Member

    When I was younger in high school I was often excluded and bullied -- it made me drop out of school. Although I was an honour roll student I could not stay in school due to the constant harassment from several individuals. I finally (later in life - at 21) went back to school, and then at 23 when to college. With life experience and some changes to my physical appearance, I did not get bullied in college - I had more friends in my post-secondary career in comparison to high school, however, I would often get left out in certain social functions.... being left out or ignored hurt...almost more then the ridicule from the stupid kids in highschool. Fast forward, I am now 25 doing my degree in Social Work, I have a couple of acquiantances but I am often always being left out in social functions and I never feel part of the 'group'. Feeling this isolation has felt worse than what I experienced in high school. I want to be included, I try to put myself out there, but I always feel so awkward. I wonder if anyone can relate? Is being constantly rejected a form of bullying?
  2. Clemens

    Clemens Member

    From your tone I feel like the rejection you feel is largely in your head. I can defiantly associate with this but I found myself fighting to get past the way I interpret others impression of me. If you can look past others actions and look to the way you react to others. I think it could help.
  3. caspar

    caspar Well-Known Member

    I understand completely. I am also in college and around the same age. I have acquantances but any friends I make reject me after a while, I have no idea why. It is one of the most painful things that can happen to someone in my opinion, to be excluded and rejected persistently. I am a really nice person, I am kind, good natured, sensitive and funny, but have spent a good deal of my life rejected again and again. I think it can be a form of bullying, depending on the situation (so I would have to know more about what you are currently going through to say) but also it can be a vibe someone gives off, that other people pick up on unconsciously.
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I'm sorry that you have had to go through this. I have always been bullied and rejected too, and it has made me closed off to people. But there are people out there worth getting to know, who make everything worthwhile, so please don't isolate yourself from everyone. I know it's not easy but it is worth it when you find the people in your life who really care about you and accept you.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello merlot...really am sorry to hear what you have gone through,I am your age and was bullied very badly in school it also made me drop out! But you did not give up like me! You went back and now doing a degree, well done, hats off to your for doing that. You have my respect! I don't think being excluded is the same as being bullied, perhaps it's not excluded in the way of ''you're not joining us'' but more in the way of join in if you want and we respect you if you don't want to join in. Could it possibly be a confidence and self esteem issue on your part caused by the bullying perhaps? You say you put yourself out there....for me anyway I can talk to just about anyone and look like I fit in, joke around etc... the problem I have is anxiety builds up preventing me keeping the contact persistent! I do feel your pain Merlot. We're not bad people and should be able to interact without being rejected and bullied. You sound like a lovely person, it's their loss!! You're most certainly not alone in this. Feel free to talk to me anytime :hug:
  6. snogo

    snogo Well-Known Member

    Hmm, being constantly isolated and rejected can be considered as a form of bullying- the subtle type, but it seems from what you've described, it's mostly self-perceived. Are you actually looking for deeper connections which lead you to feel that you should be included in almost every event or function but somehow that isn't happening as often as you would like them to be?

    It seems like you have a reasonable amount of self-confidence as to how you carry yourself in social situations. Maybe you can try to examine a bit more closely what is the real source of your awkwardness. Once you have found it, you will likely know how to improve your social life bit by bit and enjoy the company of your acquaintances any time, anywhere.

    I don't have any friends and can recall no social circle when I was truly welcomed or included. Social courtesy towards one another, yes, but have I ever been included as part of any group, hmm, that's very subjective. In fact, there are many instances whereby new people to the group are invited and I only came to know about those invitations after a long time - as in the whole event was over. It hurts, but if people don't find you to be fun or whatever, they don't want you there. So what I'm saying is, what hurts can actually be mere human dynamics at play. It can be an objective or neutral issue if you understand your situation from a similar point of view.
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