I know you guys aren't doctors, but I currently have no insurance and no doctors and no medication and I was hoping for a little help/insight. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder a few years ago. I have a very hard time making and keeping friends, due to my intense fear of rejection/abandonment. Most of the time it's because I lash out at them when I'm feeling insecure, or for little to no reason. I hate that I do this, but I hate even more that I'm aware I'm doing it but I can't stop. I start to shake and I cry and I want to scream (occasionally I have, in a public place, in the car, at school, etc). I know it's going to sound selfish and disgusting, but it's almost like I want them to feel how they made me feel, or like I want them to feel guilty. I will never apologize to them because in my mind I'm right for feeling this way. I hate myself for this. I have never admitted it and I hate myself for it. It doesn't make any sense to me and I just want to be normal. I've read about Bipolar Disorder patients having these "psychotic episodes", but I'm wondering if Borderline Personality Disorder has ever been misdiagnosed as Bipolar Disorder.