I laugh a lot, sometimes out of nowhere. Sometimes people look at me like I'm crazy, but I know I'm not. I wish people would stop judging me. This is when I don't feel like socializing with people because of their judgements and eyes looking at me. Other times I'm so mentally drained and sleep is everything I need, yet I can't sleep at night because my mind if racing so fast that I can't keep up with it. When I'm sad, I'll cry it out and feel better once I'm done. I tell people not to worry about it because I've dealt with these kind emotions and I'm used to them by now. Their not overwhelming for me anymore cause I know of my up's and down's. I'm properly medicated, but I know it won't completely cure my mental illness. It helps me though and I'm able to take care of myself. I can do things on my own with no problems and I do have some friends, but sometimes I don't feel like speaking to anyone and some people take it personally. I put up good boundaries and stand up for myself. One thing I noticed is I can watch a movie over and over again and not get bored of it, the same goes for music, listen to a song over and over again and not get bored of it. Once I went through that phase, it will be a different movie, a different song, a different album. And watch that over and over again until I find something else that I like. The only time I get angry is when I hear people whispering and I clearly hear them whispering about me, but they can't say it out loud. I will always say out loud, "I hear you!" The only time I hear audio hallucinations is when I haven't slept for days, that's the only time it ever happens. When I'm not getting good proper sleep and I keep away from alcohol. Cause once it wears off, I will get deeply deeply depressed and cry uncontrollably. I've told people I don't drink and I hate when they try to get me to drink. I'm not crazy, I know this. I'm a very loving person by nature and I care about my friends and family, I just wish people would be more understanding, instead of being so quick to judging someone who has a mental illness. This illness runs in the family. My real father had it and I learned this from my mother. So it explains a lot. About my mood swings, my crying and extreme happiness when I'm laughing over the top. Sometimes when I'm laughing, I sometimes think to myself, "Is this real happiness?" Does anyone else relate?
