Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Aurora Gory Alice, May 5, 2009.

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  1. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Is there anybody that is suffering from this that could maybe tell me about your experiences with it?
    Triggers, diagnosis, how you cope etc.

    Thanks guys.
     
  2. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    Oh yes, I used to! I tried to hide my face 24/7 with my long hair, I hardly leaved the house. My worst fear was my nose in profile. It was really, really sick...
    I didn't realize how odd my behavior was until I saw myself on tape, when my had my kind of "rituals", even in public. THAT was a wake up call, now I have realized that it was my behavior that caught other's attention, not my look.

    I can't leave the house without makeup covering my face, but that's it nowadays. I cannot say that I suffer from BDD anymore... I'm happy I'm recovered from that hell.
    Now I have another hell... It is another obsession about my apperance :( but it's an eating disorder, not BDD.
     
  3. MeAndYou

    MeAndYou Well-Known Member

    I def. suffer from BDD. I am indeed fundamentally ugly but I was able to live with it for a while.

    I've suffered from incredibly low self esteem my entire life but going out was never a huge issue as far as being afraid of people (literally). Then i got diagnosed with a slightly hyperactive thyroid and began loosing hair and became so obsessed with my hair loss in the months following this trigger event.

    It seemed to trigger while stoned out of my mind (marijuana) with friends at a mall and having a complete stranger yell an obscene comment. I think it was the fact i was suffering from the worst low self esteem to date (at that time) in my life, and the fact I was very high (which can sometimes intensify emotions) that turned the key and triggered my BDD behavior.

    I cant smoke weed anymore without freaking out about my looks to an extent that has me pacing my house (and i was smoking every day for a good 6 months and off and on before that and handled it fine) so of course i dont smoke anymore but often times i dont even need weed to feel this way.

    Its drawn me into seclusion to a level i've never experienced before. I lost my job because i kept calling in "sick" or just not showing up.

    Dont know/care what to do but i've learned its easy to be indifferent.

    Do you suffer from it too? Its horribly debilitating. If i could get disability for it I would probably refuse if that meant going to a court in front of a judge or whatever the procedure is. Thats how bad it is.
     
  4. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    im 5'10 and weigh 143 pounds but am convinced i'm overweight. Like I can't look down my chest without feeling really really fat. i deal with it in very unhealthy ways.
     
  5. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Thanks for sharing guys.

    I'm worried that it is slowly developing, I'm beginning to suffer panic attacks when I see crowds, from silly things like just walking past several people at a bus stop or not being able to stand in crowded places, go to malls, walk through my local shopping centre, clubs and bars are out of course and I can completely relate to calling in sick to work or just not showing up MeandYou.
    I know that I'm overweight but the whole 'fat' thing is running away from me and I'm starving myself or eating and throwing up, my whole relationship with food has become really strained.
    I'm also doing that thing where I'm hiding my face with my hair Little_Me.

    I am desperately trying to break the cycle before it gets out of hand, but I just don't know what to do or how to do it.

    I do exercise a lot - a hell of a lot in fact, I exercise like crazy.
     
  6. Shogun

    Shogun Well-Known Member

    I've suffered with BDD for around 15 years now. I remember the first time I ever started worrying about my appearance, I was 13 and one of my mates said something negative about the size of my nose and it all just snowballed from there.

    There is not one single feature on my face that I'm even content with and I've completely given up on ever finding a female that would look past my hideous appearance at the inner me. None of my features seem to fit together in my mind.

    I'd pretty much trade places looks wise with anybody on the planet just so I don't have to look in the mirror and have my heart sink because I still look the way I do.

    BDD is a serious killer... people have actually taken their own lives through it and a lot more will in the future. It's nothing to dismiss, you need bonafide treatment for it.

    Try searching on Youtube for BDD information, there's lots on there.

    Also there's a pretty good forum I know, but it's down at the moment.

    It should be back up within the next few days and here's the address....

    http://www.bkbreflections.com/cgi-bin/yabb2.1/YaBB.pl
     
  7. MeAndYou

    MeAndYou Well-Known Member

    Thanks for this information :) I read somewhere i think the main BDD website (or a webstie dedicated to BDD) that people with it are way more likely to commit suicide. Its frightening for me to think that maybe i could live happily and that taking my life would indeed be a bad choice. I've always sort of tried to think logically about things...so when i think suicide its because in my situation and perspective it seems the most logical decision...to have that questioned makes me think "wow...that was close"....

    anyway
     
  8. Shogun

    Shogun Well-Known Member

    You're welcome, anything to help. :)

    I've attempted suicide in the past and it was a genuine attempt where I didn't let anyone know so that I could be saved or anything and it was all down to BDD issues.

    Lemme tell you something as a 29 year old man who has suffered with this for most of his life, get it sorted immediately. Because the longer you leave it the harder it is to overcome or even accept help.... then before you know it you're set in your ways and resigned to never being able to overcome it.... and then there's only one way out.

    It can happen to you, so nip it in the bud as soon as humanly possible.

    I'm not trying to scare you, just giving you a harsh reality check from someone who is already in that place. You don't wanna end up like me.... nobody does.
     
  9. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    One way to help prevent anxiety attacks over your looks or weight is to exercise and eat healthy. I notice that if I eat junk food, my confidence about my looks plummet to the ground.

    For instance I had today thus far: Gatorade, an orange, and a blueberry bagel. I feel fine.

    The other day I had Jack In The Box and felt fat and really ugly.
     
  10. Shogun

    Shogun Well-Known Member

    BDD's a little more complex than weight issues.

    I have a natural six pack, I've played sports my entire life so have a good shape too, but hate every single feature of my face.

    I understand what you're saying though and each case is different.
     
  11. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    BDD may go away... But it's hard work and it sometimes takes ages. Get help as soon as possible, then there's a greater chance that it go away some day.

    I don't know what made the obsession of my face disappear... But now I have a BODY dysmorphic instead- eating disorder, anorexia. x( but I'm working on it, now at least I know why people stare at me... In paradox, most people think I'm beautiful... Tourists wants to take pics of me and my long hair when I'm downtown "the average not-blonde Swede" but it's scary. I don't want people to look at me, I want to look normal :(
     
  12. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I definitely have to agree with that.

    I was recently chatting to a girl online, who eventually sent me her picture. I didn't say it to her because I know it doesn't matter what I see, it's what she sees that affects how she feels. But honestly, she was stunning, she looked like a model. Yet she says this thing has taken over her life, she has no mirrors in her house and she cannot leave the house at all because of it. Her parents basically do everything for her from bringing groceries to posting letters/paying bills etc.

    I never realised just how serious it could be. And there is seemingly a huge difference between feeling ugly and bad about yourself on occasion to having a serious case of BDD.
     
  13. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    I had it for many years for my nose. I felt it was hideous in profile and I was determined to have surgery. But I've managed to basically overcome it as it fits my face really well as long as I don't look at it in a direct profile, and I've started looking at other people's noses, more, and it's made me realize how very few men have noses that even fit their faces. I've also been told that my nose is "perfect" and "idealistic", although I'm not so sure about that... but my nose isn't that much of a problem, anymore.

    Towards the end of last year I started developing new thoughts that could've become pretty serious... I started thinking that my eyes squinted slightly, pointing from each other... I kept looking in the mirror every chance I got if they were okay. Thankfully, I had to go to the optician for an examination during that time and I asked him to check if my eyes squinted, and apparently they were close to perfectly centered.

    Overall, I have felt extremely good about my looks, the past year, after I started training, but I haven't been training for two and a half weeks, now. :/ Haven't been doing too well.

    Yeah, and I'm one of those people that keep using windows and even car windows to check that my hair is okay, whenever I'm outside. :laugh: I'm so shallow. By the way, I care so much more about how *I* think I look than what others think of my looks. Why would I care what others think? If they think I'm ugly or average or even just not quite in the top then they are wrong, anyway.
     
  14. Katsia

    Katsia New Member

    I'm more or less completely housebound by BDD, now more so than ever. On the rare occassions I do manage to go out I always come home feeling even more suicidal. Of all my mental health issues this is by far the worst and is the main reason I feel I can't go on living. I've been in therapy for the last 10yrs, tried CBT and medication and nothing has helped. It's getting worse, I can't contemplate moving forward in life at all looking like this, so I have nothing to hope for. Like shogun, there isn't a single feature on my face that I can stand, so I can't imagine surgery offering much of a solution.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 17, 2009
  15. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    ^ i was like that when my eating disorder was so bad.

    i had this mirror (my wardrobe is one of those mirror wardrobes) and i covered it up last year. i think it's was such a good thing to do, because i'd spend the whole day swearing and beating myself up emotionally in front of it.

    i don't feel this anymore as my eating disorder has improved so much.
     
  16. Katsia

    Katsia New Member

    Yeah, my stomach sinks whenever I look in the mirror, I feel physically sick and a feeling of dread comes over me. I covered up my bedroom mirror but I still wander around at night looking at myself in all the other mirrors in the house. Sometimes I get stuck staring at myself for hours and other times I just avoid looking at myself altogether. It's always on my mind though.
     
  17. MeAndYou

    MeAndYou Well-Known Member

    Yea pretty much the same thing here. I can go out comfortably at night, semi comfortably in cloudy days, but when its sunny out i feel like im all that more visible...naked. I can still go out in my back yard so thats good i guess. Dont get me wrong, i love sunny beautiful days, but i love snowy and rainy dark days way more because i feel more comfortable being in public :unsure:

    Its such a horrible illness. I dont talk about it at all with anyone in my family and i honestly dont know how they see my sudden lack of enjoyment in life. I quite abruptly quit hanging out with my friends which makes me feel horribly guilty but at the same i cant muster even speaking to them as i know it will bring about questions of why and "lets hang out" and i cant do that.

    When i go out and drive i hardly ever go into places to get something and when i do its a panic attack the entire time. I drive the back roads with less traffic and one time i even ran a red light for fear of beign stuck in traffic with people in cars all around me.
     
  18. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    do any of you feel like the mirror is swallowing you up? and you're losing yourself in the mirror?

    what i realised through therapy- i'm not sure if this is helpful, but i think the mirror was so so dangerous as it was the only firm contact i had to something that reminded me that i existed. and when i was a baby, i'm told that my mother didn't tell me i existed, so i shut down out of sheer terror, and didn't expect anything from anybody. i'm having this experience a lot recently because of lack of contact. but this can make you feel like you don't have a boundary...

    what i understand from my behaviour and feelings in the past is that i projected a lot of the abuse i'd internalised on to that mirror(much needed contact) and i got swallowed up in it, not only in that, but in my self harm and anorexia as a whole. i'd see myself as i saw myself inside...i did realise, when i was looking at what i hated about my face there was some internalised racism going on too which was one of the main reasons i got better so quickly (to realise this was a huge huge shock). to realise where the feelings came from (not inside myself but from outside of myself) was so important.

    right now, i enjoy looking in the mirror and i see someone beautiful/confident/alive looking back at me. which shows how much i've cleansed myself from abuse...

    it's a horrific painful experience and it's nearly killed me. i do hope things get better for all of you :hug:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 18, 2009
  19. Erxi_Kusanagi

    Erxi_Kusanagi Member

    I'm 5'11 and 126 pounds and still disgusted by my weight, i'm not thin enough. I made it all the way down to 117 and was still trying to lose weight, i'm trying to get back to that weight.

    These are the common BDD symptoms that I have

    Obsessive thoughts about perceived appearance defect.

    Obsessive and compulsive behaviors related to perceived appearance defect

    Major depressive disorder symptoms.

    Social and family withdrawal, social phobia, loneliness and self-imposed social isolation.

    Suicidal ideation.

    Anxiety; possible panic attacks.

    Chronic low self-esteem.

    Feeling self-conscious in social environments; thinking that others notice and mock their perceived defect.

    Strong feelings of shame.

    Avoidant personality: avoiding leaving the home, or only leaving the home at certain times, for example, at night.



    Decreased academic performance (problems maintaining grades, problems with school/college attendance).

    Problems initiating and maintaining relationships (both intimate relationships and friendships).


    Repetitive behaviour

    Seeing slightly varying image of self upon each instance of observal in mirror/reflective surface.
     
  20. huanic

    huanic New Member

    what i realised through therapy- i'm not sure if this is helpful, but i think the mirror was so so dangerous as it was the only firm contact i had to something that reminded me that i existed. and when i was a baby, i'm told that my mother didn't tell me i existed, so i shut down out of sheer terror, and didn't expect anything from anybody. i'm new york asian escorts having this experience a lot recently because of lack of contact. but this can make you feel like you don't have a boundary...what i understand from my behaviour new york escort and feelings in the past is that i projected a lot of the abuse i'd internalised on to that mirror(much needed contact) and i new york asian escort got swallowed up in it, not only in that, but in my self harm and anorexia as a whole. i'd see myself as i saw myself inside...i did realise, when i was looking at new york escorts what i hated about my face there was some internalised racism going on too which was one of the main reasons i got better so quickly (to realise this was a huge huge shock). to realise where the feelings came from (not inside myself but from outside of myself) was so important.
     
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