Borderline need for attachment :(:(:( Help.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by feathers, Dec 19, 2010.

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  1. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    So yesterday I broke up with my boyfriend who was lying to me, and of course my brain immediately started trying to attach to someone else to work them around to needing me. Thing is though I already impulsively slept with this friend, and he also happens to be in love with someone else (not with her though). So (anyone with borderline will understand :() even if I did get this friend to 'need' me (which he already claims to, yikes) I would always be that little bit (okay a fuck load) jealous of this other girl who he apparently loves (I've already been jealous of her. He's bipolar so he doesn't sleep well - and he sat up all night texting her in my bed while I was asleep!! Even though he claimed not to have feelings for her at the time but now states that he's been in love with her for years -.-). Another thing is I told myself that after I broke up with my boyfriend this time I would avoid relationships because they always go the same way (idealization, me becoming dependent on them through depression, then rapid shifts between idealization and devaluation until I eventually devaluate them so much we break up. Exhibit A ^^^^^). So I ideally wanted to get treatment before I got in any more relationships. So I said no more boyfriends for 3 years (until I finish university - relationships are always so much drama for me, I don't want any distractions like I am currently getting at college).

    Okay but the thing is, I guess I was already a little bit attached to this friend since I slept with him the first time, but I don't WANT to be. It's only gonna be hurtful for me but my brain seems to need to attach to someone! Also this thing with the friend can not go well at all due to the fact he's in love with this other girl which will destroy me inside! I am getting obsessed with him though, and I am doing the whole rapid idealization/devaluation thing (last night I was very lustful towards him, then I was acting quite blatantly obsessed with him, then I said 'fuck you you don't deserve my feelings for you anyway' when I remember how he texted that girl all through the night at mine). Not only that but I (of course) am missing my ex and just want him to cuddle up with me and for everything to be peaceful again!

    How do I end the borderline-caregiver attachment with my ex and how do I STOP this new forming obsession with my friend?

    Help me please :(!
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You get rid of all these attachments and you start taking care of YOU you have to learn that you can survive without them okay You are strong and you have the ability to succeed in life to do well on your own When you are able to get that independance strong person then look outside yourself for a more postive attachment First thing to do is heal you some okay deal with the pain you have suffered heal you then relationships will be more positive and long lasting take care
     
  3. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    It's difficult because even if I get rid of these attachments my brain will find another one :/

    It's like the only way I can move on from an attachment is by forming another one.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    That is why you have to work on your brain and get it to think differently okay do therapy cognitive behavior therapy it works.
     
  5. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Just waiting to get some form of therapy taking ages though :( been trying since August. might eventually get somewhere

    thanks for replying
     
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