Borderline Personality Disorder Support Thread

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Petal, Sep 13, 2015.

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  1. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    If you have BPD, feel feel to write about how your disorder affects you here. Discuss how it limits your life or even expands your abilities. For me:

    • I tend to think in black and white. Love you or hate you. I cannot find a middle ground. But with BPD comes unstable relationships which I also have a lot of.
    • Impulsiveness - I definitely used to suffer from that, before I was so sensitive too that if I had an argument with someone it could result in an OD. That impulsiveness has now gone and I hope it never comes back, it's extremely hard to deal and cope with.
     
  2. caspar

    caspar Well-Known Member

    The main way it seems to manifest in me is that I overreact emotionally - I start crying and can't stop, or getting really angry and can't calm down. When I say can't, I mean it. I think people really don't understand that I can't control this, and think I'm being selfish, 'crazy', even manipulative... Also little things going wrong mean I stay in bed for days afterwards, just feeling so hopeless. And not being able to speak about actually having the disorder, because either people haven't heard about it. or they have a negative preconception of it - I don't want to scare people away from me, just by talking to them about this disorder I supposedly have.
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    wow I said this EXACT thing to freya and NYJmpmaster the other day, about staying in bed all day as a response to something. So I made a journal and I basically wrote down my thoughts and wrote the reaction to them, my god I was over reacting like hell. And it's not even acting like a baby, it's actually something I am able to control very little of. I cannot calm down when I'm angry or upset without doing something self destructive or thinking about it. I totally get where you are coming from, it would be easier to lie in bed but we must face this head on and try to make the best of it that we can. Try not to let our over reactions become us if you get what I mean, sorry you are suffering with this too!
     
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  4. caspar

    caspar Well-Known Member

    Can relate to the overreacting thoughts thing. I just find the only way to calm down is to ride it out. The whole thing is so weird.

    I do know what you mean by not letting the over reactions become me. With the bed thing, I get you, withdrawing is quite harmful a lot of the time. But it's good to comfort yourself when you're upset too, I have been taught that by psych services. So I either get a hot drink or wrap a blanket round my shoulders or get into bed, and I feel better. It's better to do something like that than destructive behaviours that your regret later (the regret can be torture).
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I am really sorry, I'm still getting to know the new forum layout so I didn't see your post until now! I agree with you on all points. It's very distressing when someone says something hurtful like ''you are useless'', ''you will never amount to anything'' it destroys any confidence you had in yourself. Example: I missed college on wednesday because I was in pain and someone close to me said, ''see, I told you that it wouldn't last'' but I turned around and said ''if you have nothing good to say don't sayanything at all''. So I went to the college for the rest of the week and studied my ass off! I definitely am improving and keep me up to date on how you are caspar.
     
  6. carebear35

    carebear35 Active Member

    I've just been diagnosed with BPD, so as yet I am untreated. I can tell you though that if I get into a confrontation with someone and what they say offends me I tend to burst into tears. I get angry with certain people, but don't confront them. Instead I cut myself. I have a severe problem with self loathing and just generally hating everything about myself. I'm constantly thinking of suicide and how to go about it. I have an intense fear that people, even those I don't know, are judging me, so I do worry about what people think of me.
     
  7. caspar

    caspar Well-Known Member

    I keep flipping from 0 to 100 emotionally, I'm a mess, constantly battling the desire to live and die, it's really hard and no one seems to understand how it is, to be on these highs and lows all the time, I just can't take it anymore. I say I can't take it anymore but no one seems to understand how intolerable things are RIGHT NOW. They just tell me to wait it out. I can't do it. I have so much pressure on me coming from every single angle and I can't take my emotions constantly firing up inside of me. I have to sit down now and study but I'm thinking what's the point, because I'm not sure I even want to live. At the same time I'm absolutely terrified of failure and my self esteem will be nothing if I do poorly in my degree.
     
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  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi caspar, just out of curiosity what are you studying and do you like it? Maybe get lost in studying until the thoughts ease. I know they never really go but do ease and know you are not alone. Have you been formally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder? DBT has been found to work great with people with this disorder (starting in november myself). Just know you are not alone, if that comforts you any bit. :)
     
  9. caspar

    caspar Well-Known Member

    Thanks Petal. I'm doing science, yes I do like it most of the time. I enjoy studying it and learning new things. Feel like a failure and not good enough to do it though, even though I've done well up to now. It makes no sense but it's dragging me down.

    I have been diagnosed as having traits of it, but not the full disorder. Like I don't have impulsivity for example, the main way it effects me is extreme emotions. Like I was at my gp last week, crying non stop saying I wanted to kill myself, just as a reaction to little things building up. I have heard good things about DBT, good luck.
     
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Thanks. Yes that doesn't make much sense. You are good at it so keep it up. Is Dbt an option for you? Maybe look into it. What you described happening at the doctors fits the bill with me too. I am prone to doing things like that. Hugs
     
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