I’m not sure the harshness of your post is warranted or very helpful. Like most who struggle with mental health issues I feel an intense amount of guilt when I don’t keep my commitments and it’s certainly not done on purpose to “mess her around.” It’s not really so much of a question of effort, as I do make an effort daily to be there and be on time but sometimes I’m overwhelmed by depression and anxiety and sometimes I’m overwhelmed by this as a result of drinking (though not always) which is what causes me to drink in the first place. I am taking steps to remedy this - I’m on medication and I see a therapist - but I was hoping to hear from those who may have first hand experience with this issue and have been in this position before.
The issue is while depression and other mental illnesses are largely accepted and get sympathy/compassion- when the admitted issue is alcoholism it is far less easy for most to understand. With depression or any physical illness there is no "choice" involved. It is there - you have to deal with it/live with it the best you can, come what may. With alcoholism it is all about choice. Not in any way implying it is an "easy" choice or simple, but you did manage 9 days, on Thursday you chose to drink instead of think about work or the repercussions, so a great many will have the opinion of you make your bed now lie in it. I am not trying to speak for the member that wrote that reply in any way- I am speaking of my own observations and understandings having tried for 2 years to help my sister in law deal with her alcoholism, giving her a place to live, supporting her , taking to rehab and appts, etc... Even with "family" you love it is very very hard to understand why it is so hard to simply choose not to drink knowing the results when you do. By the sounds you have far more control over it than my sister-in-law did - she had already lost all jobs, lost children/husband, and everything and was staying with us as opposed to being homeless (fwiw she died - froze to death a few days before xmas 3 years ago after getting drunk and passing out on the lawn in front of house in 5f weather).
Having dealt with her for 2 years and seeing the end result I came to realize a couple things- there is a lot of anger by all that are effected because no matter how hard we try we cannot simply accept that it is not in the end a "choice" , and secondly she was never ever happy- hated herself and her life and what she was, and in her mind it was not a choice regardless of what anybody else thought. Choice or not, it was beyond her ability to choose differently so I guess it was not really a choice for her if she was unable to choose differently after numerous stints in rehab, a year in jail following 3rd dwi, and a 100% supportive family that ensured she had no need for anything. If that is not where you already are than I really urge you to consider if there is any choice at all left in it for you to realize that choice is and will continue disappearing until it is not anymore.
I am sorry you do not feel supported- I do have sympathy for your situation and hope more than you could ever know that you are able to overcome it. But I , like many others, do still in the end believe the only thing that can make the situation better is you - by making the choice when you get home to not drink- and making that choice each and every time from now til forever because for you that is the only time when you have any control- before you take that drink. The depression and other issues / the drinking/ which comes first the chicken or the egg// do you drink because of the depression or do you have depression because you drink- all of that is irrelevant tbh- because there is only 1 aspect you can control.
If you make the effort to control that aspect and hold yourself accountable I do hope your boss gives you the chance you deserve. Enrolling in any insurance sponsored rehab programs / employer sponsored things, and giving them permission to discuss your situation with your employer so they can help her determine what control you have and if you deserve more leeway is a possible way to get her to consider going out on the limb again. I do hope it works out- I do understand it is very very hard and may seem impossible, and I do hope you are able to overcome it.
