BPD and it's relation to abnormal sexual pathology

#1
I never realized this before, but recently have been starting to. Every single sexual issue I seem to have can be attributed to BPD. Including even what I thought was my sexuality since I was a teenager. All of those feelings and impulsivities could merely be the result of improper emotional functioning. So that in mind, I can't help but wonder, what the hell am I? Everything I thought I knew about myself seems to have been an illusion that was merely a part of my personality disorder. I feel like I honestly don't even have an identity anymore. I literally don't know who the hell I am without BPD. I've lived on this Earth for 28 years, and feel as though at this point I have to just abandon everything I thought I knew in that time frame and start over. Problem is, I'm already an adult with fully developed cognitive functioning and that's not how it works. The brain doesn't have a reset button as far as I'm aware.
 

Sunspots

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#2
I understand how you feel. Since my diagnosis I've questioned everything I've ever felt, thought or done. How do I know that the decisions I've made have been based on truth or because of a mistake in my perception? Do I really love my husband or is it just my BPD making me cling to someone, anyone out of a fear of being alone?

I don't know what the answers are. I don't know how to ever trust my myself to make the right choices. So for now I'm just trying to live by the moto of 'do no harm' to those close to me. Not sure what else to do. But you're not alone, there are people who understand.
 
#5
Did you feel like it onset later in life or were you just misdiagnosed/undiagnosed before that? I started exhibiting symptoms during my mid-teen years, but wasn't diagnosed until 19-20. I feel like psychiatrists misdiagnose people constantly. At first I got told dependent pd, except I looked it up and realized I barely had any of those. And basically I had to figure it out first and then tell the doctor that it seems wrong to me and he agrees with me in the end. I'm like oh great so if I hadn't just told you that, you would've slapped the wrong label on me and had me thinking it was the case when it wasn't?
 

Sunspots

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#6
I've suffered with frequent bouts of depression and anxiety since childhood but have always just about been able to manage them with help from my GP. Looking back, I've been exhibiting symptoms for years but we all just accepted that is how I am - up and down like a yo-yo, my family laugh that I am a typical Gemini. Things have escalated over the last couple of years and I ended up being referred to the mental health team after an attempt last Spring. I was also diagnosed with AvPD and scored highly for schizotypal and obsessive compulsive.
 
#7
Damn, same here on the AvPD. It was technically Borderline/Avoidant Mixed Personality that it said as my diagnosis, but I usually don't even think about the AvPD because the Borderline symptoms are always prevalent and seemingly always need tended to first. But yeah, it seems you and I are a lot alike. I can't imagine what it must have been like going undiagnosed that whole time. Makes me have even less faith in mental health professionals. I mean, I know a personality disorder is hard to diagnose, but it's like what did you people go to school for exactly if you can't properly diagnose people?
 

Bluetoo

SF Supporter
#8
What is the sexual pathology with bpd, exactly? I know I use sex as an escape. I can be in a very depressed state and still want sex. I’ve wondered about that too.
It is sad how the medical profession is so lax in a lot of areas.
 

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