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  1. I have BPD and I find it really hard to not push people away as I try to keep them close. Does anyone else have this problem and what do you do about it?
     
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I have suffered similar issues, I push people away especially when I have truly hurt them. I have learnt the hard way in that you try to keep friends but sometimes I get hurt. I cry for the hurt I caused but sometimes it better to leave things well alone as sometimes you can bring unnecessary distress.

    The way I have learnt to deal with it is to be nice to others and keep relationships simple. If you do not get involved then you don't hurt or hurt yourself. Dealing with BPD is difficult but there is medication and group therapy that can help you. Have you seeked any medication or counselling on this? You deal with each situation in a different manner and try assess what is happening. It hard to deal with by yourself by the way. Sometimes you feel like you are losing the battle but it can be managed. Dealing with BPD is difficult but you can survive.
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there,

    I have BPD and have had extreme issues with pushing people away and still do. It's hard and a tough one. I am very close to my mum, would do anything for her, but I can acknowledge the relationship is a bit dangerous regarding the attachment issues. Talk to a therapist about it, they will help you and teach you coping strategies. I know how hard it is so feel free to talk to me if you want :)
     
  4. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Well, I try to think before I act as much as I can, but you know as well as I do that doesn't always work out so well with bpd. But it's all you can really do. Sometimes the emotions you feel are so intense that in an act of desperation, you try to make them go away as quickly as possible, and usually it ends up being the wrong thing to do. Aside from thinking before you act, you also must remember that emotions are just emotions and they're not going to kill you. They'll pass like they always do. Sometimes it feels like the end of the world when something bad happens, that everything is ruined and can never be fixed, and your mind starts racing and you panic, and probably end up doing something stupid. In most cases though, it's not going to be the end of the world, it just feels like that to you because you have what you have and whether it's anger, sadness, fear, or what have you, you gotta try to put those emotions in check long enough to figure out what the best approach to the problem would be. I know it's a lot harder than it sounds, believe me, I know. You just gotta keep trying. For example, take me and my husband...he's not the best with words at times to say the least, and ends up saying something that I take the wrong way at least a few times a week. When I was on my crash diet kick and barely ate anything, we always argued and he wanted me to stop losing weight because he thought I lost too much too fast and didn't like the way I was going about it. So finally, I got tired of arguing about it all the time because it constantly ended with me in tears and/or pissed off, so I stopped and started eating normally again...as much as I hated to do it, I hated the fighting more. Of course after a crash diet, when you start all of a sudden eating again you're going to gain a few pounds back. As soon as I gained 3 pounds, I was extremely depressed because of A. my self esteem issues and B. because it felt like it was a waste to have bothered losing them just to gain them back. My husband said I shouldn't be depressed about looking "healthier" and I took that as he could tell I gained weight, so I freaked out and started bawling saying I'm never eating anything again, I'd rather die of starvation. Later, he explained that he didn't mean it as in I looked like I gained weight, just that I didn't look so pale and sick anymore. So I went bananas over nothing, not even giving him a chance to explain what he meant because my emotions took over and instead of thinking about the situation, I just acted on the first thing that felt right at the time. So yeah, you can't do that cause like I said it's almost never going to be the right thing to do if you act on impulse like that. I've always pushed people away too by being that way, so I'm telling you from experience.
     
  5. Miss Invisible

    Miss Invisible Active Member

    Newly diagnosed BPD or EID, this has been my lifetime struggle. I make friends, get close then they leave. I have finally built a wall around myself to k eep from being hurt because honestly, I can't take another hurt. I don't know what I do wrong. I try to ppl please just so they like me...feeling so lost in a world where I feel way too much.
     
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