about a year and a half ago i met the first girl i ever really cared about. i was increadbly afraid in asking her out cause i spent my entire middle school life bing called ugly as shit so i was afraid she thought the same. but to my just perfect luck i found out that she did like me but beacause i didnt make my move she got over me. in an act of desperation i worked up the balls to tell her how i felt and she shot me down. she then lied to me and said she would still be freinds but then she just ditched me and pretended like she didnt even know who i was. this sent me into a deep state of depresion. one that lasted for months. i just constantly started blaming my self for what happened. this was also the time i started getting panic attacks and became agroaphobic. then i started losing most of my freinds and lost interest in most things. i could no longer be happy. it even got to a point where i almost commited suicide. but then i gained new freinds and their love and care. i even met a few girls that i liked but it nver worked out with them. im still depressed but this may be something that isnt caused by a broken heart. maybe its just the idea that there may not be another person i can find actaul love with. maybe its just lonlyness. in fact just a couple weeks ago i cut myself for the first time bacause i went back into my suicidle mood but i have been getting better. i am trying to work up the courage to ask my parents if i can see a therapist cause i dont want to live like this for the rest of my life. it kills me everyday to feel this darkness around me that i cant shake off. im worried that i might be close to a breakdown that i cant stop. hard to believe that maybe if i had just said the words "i like you" a year and a half ago i might not be typing this long story right now.