It's been almost 3 months now since my older brother committed suicide. He was 30 at the time. He was married had two beautiful kids.
I work two jobs. A job with his wife and the other with him. A few weeks before his passing he was susupecting that she was having an affair. I didn't have any information because her and I worked different shifts.
The day before he committed suicide he walked out from his job and quit. I called him to make sure he was ok and he confirmed that she was having an affair with another coworker of mine.
He promised he wouldn't do anything stupid and will call me after my shift. He didn't call. He simply text me "I love you sis, remember that". At that moment I felt so worried. I knew something wasn't right. I wanted to drive to his house and park outside just to make sure he was ok. I wanted to tell him I loved him back... But I didn't. That was the first time in my life he had told me he loved me and.. Last.
I maybe could've saved him. I should've tried. I just thought he was much stronger than that. I regret it every single day.
My mom calls me 8am the next morning and told me to come to his house right away. When I got there I see firetrucks and police tape. He had burnt his house down.
I ran up to his house and asked the officer "where's my brother?" He said "He's inside and deceased"
That moment replays in my head over and over again.
He had shot himself after setting his house on fire.
Some days it's so difficult to breathe. I get nightmares almost every night about his death. I'm losing it.
I know that I've fell into a depression. Nothing in the world matters to me anymore. I have a whole different outlook of life and death. There's no point in living. I've drawn myself away from everyone in my life. Nothing interest me. At this point I feel that nothing in the world can make me happy.
I wished I had told him I loved him.
I work two jobs. A job with his wife and the other with him. A few weeks before his passing he was susupecting that she was having an affair. I didn't have any information because her and I worked different shifts.
The day before he committed suicide he walked out from his job and quit. I called him to make sure he was ok and he confirmed that she was having an affair with another coworker of mine.
He promised he wouldn't do anything stupid and will call me after my shift. He didn't call. He simply text me "I love you sis, remember that". At that moment I felt so worried. I knew something wasn't right. I wanted to drive to his house and park outside just to make sure he was ok. I wanted to tell him I loved him back... But I didn't. That was the first time in my life he had told me he loved me and.. Last.
I maybe could've saved him. I should've tried. I just thought he was much stronger than that. I regret it every single day.
My mom calls me 8am the next morning and told me to come to his house right away. When I got there I see firetrucks and police tape. He had burnt his house down.
I ran up to his house and asked the officer "where's my brother?" He said "He's inside and deceased"
That moment replays in my head over and over again.
He had shot himself after setting his house on fire.
Some days it's so difficult to breathe. I get nightmares almost every night about his death. I'm losing it.
I know that I've fell into a depression. Nothing in the world matters to me anymore. I have a whole different outlook of life and death. There's no point in living. I've drawn myself away from everyone in my life. Nothing interest me. At this point I feel that nothing in the world can make me happy.
I wished I had told him I loved him.
