I used to be so scared of throwing up. I hated it when I was younger. Growing up I had to watch my sister struggle with her eating disorders. She was bulimic and anorexic for six years. She would throw up all day long. When I was in middle school when ever my depression got worse I would think I'm going to be an anorexic because for some reason that gave me comfort, but I never went through with it because of swimming. I was a very serious swimmer. I never thought I would be the bulimic child, but recently I've just been getting so sick when I eat. I eat healthy things, but after I eat I feel so nauseous and anxious I feel like I need to throw up. I've been trying to restrain myself, but this feels so horrible to say, but throwing up feels good. It all started senior year in high school. Towards the end of the year I would just constantly overeat and to make myself feel better emotionally and physically, I would throw up. It only continued for a couple of months, then faded away. Now I'm going through a depression episode, I've left college because of it, and all I do is stay at home, watch tv, and eat. Maybe it's because I think too much, but I've started throwing up again. I wish I could stop thinking.