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Came to share some bad news... HawthornePassage.

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by VALIS, Mar 29, 2013.

  1. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    Dear Friends,

    I have just found out that a SF member who was a frequent poster here for a long time has passed away.

    I suppose specific details are not appropriate, but this member took his life this past Thanksgiving. He and I had something of a falling out and we had not spoken for a while. I was unaware of this until 2 days ago, and am unsure if this will be relevant to anyone since it's been so many months since his last post.

    R.I.P HawthornePassage; I know you got a lot of support on this site, and wish I could have done more.

    I hope this is an appropriate place to put this post, if not, feel free to delete it (mods). I know a lot of people reached out to him, and even though he wasn't always receptive to that, SF was an outlet for his frustration and creativity for a long time.

    <3 V
  2. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    i think i remember him from chat. i hope he has found peace. godspeed!
  3. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    If there is any peace to be found, I think he must have found it. He was a tortured soul and he put up the good fight. I wish he would have found what he needed in this life.

    I hope that his family and friends are able to put the pieces back together and remember him with fondness.
  4. BrinkOfExistence

    BrinkOfExistence Well-Known Member

    ...Damn :(. R.i.p HawthornePassage.
  5. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    it is so sad someone is gone for awhile and we just forget. i wish i had known him better. how many leave and wont return and we just dont know why?
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    sorry to hear this and for his family and hope they have supports in place to help them cope with their loss
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Very sad new indeed. I hope he's in a better place now R.I.P
  8. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Sorry to hear this. I hope you have found peace now HawthornePassage.
  9. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    He struggled with so many things. I am sorry he felt this was his best option. RIP HawthornePassage.
  10. Adon

    Adon Member

    sorry, i remembered him to be someone with good humour...
  11. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    He did have a rather droll sense of humor and was so bright...RIP
  12. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

  13. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    Didn't know him well, but seemed a decent fellow. I am sorry to hear of his passing.
    hoping you have found what you need

    *lites another candle
  14. pogosticker

    pogosticker Well-Known Member

    I recognise the username. Guess they're finally at peace now. Sorry to anyone who was close to him.
  15. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Oh... :( *Tears* RIP, I am sure you have found peace xx :hug:
  16. jell

    jell Well-Known Member

    It's so hard to loose somebody I just hope that he has now found peace like it will do very soon xxx hope goes to his family , friends and everybody that hehastouched there lives
  17. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Wow.... RIP..... He was a good guy. I remember him pretty well. Sad news even if it is months ago.... guess that shows how inactive I had been on here.
  18. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    Yeah, it was almost a year ago now. I didn't come to SF for over a year until I found out. I figured that lots of people here had run into him at some point.

    HP was pretty young, which is sad. When people are born with an "old soul" and also have depression it can become unbearable quickly.

    It just hurts because he had the same name as my best friend, who ended up the same way. I guess they didn't find what they thought would make them happy in life and maybe it was hard to look past that. Anyone who wants to talk about this, please feel free to PM.

  19. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    Here's something he wrote a long time ago, 6 months before his death. I know that no one has seen it before, and it seems out of character for him, but I think it should be floating out there at least.

    He walked into the room, and froze. Nothing made any sense. All was organized in complex patterns, but no more than glorified space dust. Why had he even walked in there in the first place? What was the point?

    “Push the darkness away”, he spoke to her. “Destroy the fortress inside my mind. Let it shine like a supernova, our firesouls, standing out amongst all the other space dust. As it was always meant to be, for both of us.”

    “Let us face this abyss together, and unravel its tendrils from our conscience. To have insight was valuable, but to stare so deeply into the abyss destroyed us.”

    She responded quietly, with some reservation. “Once I remove these [inhibitors], all hell will break loose. There is no telling what will happen. But that is okay, and what was meant to be. I have ached for someone in my life like that, and on top of it, you are like me and feel the need to escape from the pain of walking around like a stranger in my life. It’s some kind of game that I'm just tired of playing; I don’t want any part of it. The automated part of me is just a constructed hologram and my true self is tired of seeing the projection warped and bent to approximate what they call my life. There is no rest here, but my eyes feel like they see clearly when they are aligned with yours. No more fatigue, no more swelling from bitter tears. Sharing the madness we’ve “lived” through is the feeling of floating, of ecstatic liberation.”

    Between power and submission, between a loving god and the gasp of terror lies the weeping sore, a galaxy swirling a billion years of dust. My handprint next to yours, to be fossilized or ignored for a billion more.

    “We will hold each other up, and shoulder the pain of existence. To feel each others feelings and understand each others thoughts, that is what it truly means to be human.”

    “I cannot wait any longer”, he said. “Do it so that your dead leaves may be set ablaze.”

    “I have never met another cyborg”, he continued. “And I have never seen tears come from my eyes, until this moment. And my eyes are as yours. I want to see the light fade from your eyes some day, after it has returned”.

    “It is part of the human condition of which we so thoroughly have been denied”, she said. “It may destroy us, but we can find peaceful destruction together, rather than alone. And we can experience that descent or ascent, whatever it may be, together. With all its sadness, despondency, hatred, beauty, and the entire range of human emotions. Although all life is ultimately space dust, we must not experience it in a degenerate, lifeless state. In that state, we are simply machines. And to be a machine is to lose ones freedom.”

    “Freedom,” she shook her head, “I have never known it. But at the very bottom of the pit of my sorrow, the place inside where my wounds scabbed over but wouldn’t heal, I feel my spirit could be revived and wrenched free from the impossible weight that has crushed it. The beings here who are so treacherous and who isolate me, the ones who scratch and scream meaninglessly so that I become ugly like them. There is something alive in me still, something that I value and that has some strength left. If, upon resurrection, my honest being is cut down again, so I would go with it. There will be no more horror upon all reflection, or horror in my own reflection, and no more unshakable lethargy. It will not be an insult to myself to take another step because I will instead fly into nothingness, once I have experienced the glory of what I could be, someplace else.”

    He took her hand, and felt the sting of her inner destruction immediately. “Let us heal. Let us pump blood into our empty veins. Let us unravel the torture, but share the weight of our chains so that they may not burden us further”.

    And with that, she turned the inhibitors off. She opened her eyes and their pupils expanded at the sight of their match. Two dead stars suddenly burned with more brilliance and fury than any before. They left the dwelling... having no idea where they were going on a cold March morning. They only knew that it felt like home. Perhaps home was not a place or thing, but rather a state of mind.
  20. Flying Fox

    Flying Fox SF Supporter

    Old thread is old, but RIP Hawthorne. :( He was a great person.