Can my brain shut up for just a day please?

[kikin]

All my thoughts are taking over, I'm so paranoid everyday. I don't even want to do this anymore, the constant state of sadness, paranoia, and worry that I'm in ruins me. I trust things too easily but I'm so fucking paranoid
I don't trust people, the internet, my phone, etc. I'm so FUCKING DONE. What medication makes me stop thinking? I'm always so scared to be online, 'cause "what if I get ddosed, doxxed, or WORSE!?"
I don't want to feel like this anymore, I have nothing. I just want to be a fading memory for everyone, have no one remember me, know I exist/existed. I can't look in the mirror or at my parents without being reminded of how much of a failure I am as a human, and child

 

[Windhover]

Sorry you're at this level of paranoid kind of a state @kikin. Do you get breaks from it, I mean are there some activities or work which seem to help?
I hope you stay around, we're here to support each other.
I hope you can shift away from the labeling of your self as a failure.

 

[may71]

What medication makes me stop thinking?

Deep slow breathing through your nose can be a medication for thinking too much. I could say more about meditation if you're interested.

I can't look in the mirror or at my parents without being reminded of how much of a failure I am as a human, and child

You have inherent worth as a human being. It sounds like you're being really harsh on yourself.

 

[Anchorite]

All my thoughts are taking over, I'm so paranoid everyday. I don't even want to do this anymore, the constant state of sadness, paranoia, and worry that I'm in ruins me. I trust things too easily but I'm so fucking paranoid
I don't trust people, the internet, my phone, etc. I'm so FUCKING DONE. What medication makes me stop thinking? I'm always so scared to be online, 'cause "what if I get ddosed, doxxed, or WORSE!?"
I don't want to feel like this anymore, I have nothing. I just want to be a fading memory for everyone, have no one remember me, know I exist/existed. I can't look in the mirror or at my parents without being reminded of how much of a failure I am as a human, and child

I hear you and I want to reply. I just wanted you to know this, as I read your post.
I find it hard to trust other people too, and my mind is always threatening to make it worse by exaggerating the degree to which theparanoia that I also feel is real. Make no doubt about it, the paranoia is real - the sadness, the feeling of being a failure...it flows from that open wound of feeling exposed to threats constantly...and it really, really fucking wears you down, doesn't it.

You're safe here.

You want to find an exit, but if this is the gate, please stop for a chat and share your pain with people who can reach out as they share and feel the pain that threatens to overwhelm us all in its own unique way, before taking any more lonely steps.

Your story and your pain is so very valid and you are so beautiful as you express the sheer frustration that leads to this feeling of despair. So real, so genuine - this is the place to stay and take those much needed deep breaths as you look to the slightest moments of recovery from the abyss that threatens to overwhelm and pull you in.

I hear you. You are needed here. 🫂

 

[another world]

I listen to a lot of podcasts to shut my brain up. That might not be an option for you because of the online thing. Radio might be an option but it's probably full of ads and crap.

If there's a library near you, you might be able to borrow audiobooks. Yes, I probably sound like I was born in 1892.

Hope you feel a bit better soon