Can't cope

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LonerForever, Apr 6, 2011.

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  1. LonerForever

    LonerForever Well-Known Member

    I've finally lost my grip on reality. I can't control any of my emotions as hard as I try. I'm losing more and more of my 'friends' every day no matter how hard I try to hold onto them. I feel like I'm completely hated all of the time.

    But the worst thing is I know so many people have it worse than I do. Yet I'm the one who cracked. While people here have genuine, cataclysmic reasons for being suicidal my mood bounces around whenever it feels like it. I hear voices in my head, telling me how pathetic I am. So I'm going to stop trying. Why should I tell anyone and be a burden when I could remove myself and eliminate the problem entirely.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Steven your problems are no less significant than the next person. If something is troubling you then it is important. Can you post more about what is making you feel so out of sorts? It's the depression that is making you lose those friends. Depression shows us only the negative and it's hard to hold on to friends that cant understand that. Or others leave because they see the changes in you and dont know how to react or what they can do to help.

    Keep posting. It's safe here. We understand and you wont be judged by anyone. It helps to get the things out and know that even one other member has read it :arms:
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Hello Steven!

    I think that your reasons for feeling the way you do are as legitimate as any other persons. In a sense, if someone's problems come from specific identifiable events, they may have it easier than someone who is suffering and doesn't know why. I think that people generally are more understanding and sympathetic if they understand why you feel the way you do.

    I think that negative people like to attack sensitive people and tell them they are worthless and a burden. It's absolutely not true. I think it is the sensitive and caring people that are the light of the world.

    I think that negative people like to hurt people, and they know that nice people are vulnerable to these types of attacks

    It sounds as if you have taken this negative message and internalized it.

    I hope that you are able to get some help and find a way to get better. No matter what, I want you to know that you are actually TOTALLY AWESOME AND WONDERFUL AND AMAZING AND A BLESSING TO THE WORLD and that YOU DESERVE ALL THE LOVE AND HAPPINESS THAT THE WORLD HAS TO GIVE.

    I can't promise that you will get all of the good things that you should, but you deserve all these good things and I hope that they come to you.

    :stars: :stars: :stars: :stars: :stars:
  4. LonerForever

    LonerForever Well-Known Member

    I lost two more friends yesterday. I don't even know why. They just said goodbye, hope you have a good life and that was it. No proper explanation or anything. When I spend most of my time alone anyway I can't afford to lose anyone else. I've just finished university for the Easter holidays so everyone else who bothered to talk to me have gone home to other ends of the country. I won't see anyone for the next 4 weeks and I've got no money to go out and see anyone. The only person who does bother talking now is a friend I'll probably never see because shes on here.

    My parents don't feel anything for me. Whenever I open my mouth to say anything I get told to shut it because I know nothing. I get verbally abused (sometimes physically) by my Dad all the time and my Mum does nothing to stop him at all.

    I can't control any element of my moods now. I switch between either extremely hyper or extremely suicidal with a seconds notice. Each time this happens it grinds me down further till I just end up crying with blood on my hands. Its agony. I can't tell whats real and what isn't. Yesterday the person who does talk told me she loved me and I had to keep fighting for her. But I couldn't say anything in reply because I couldn't tell if it was real or not. All I heard were the voices telling me how pathetic I am and that I would be better if I died. All the voices, everyone who has ever left, they're all right. The whole world would be better off if I just died. Ever since I cut for the first time I've been nothing but a bleeding burden to everyone.
  5. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I think that it may be abuse from your family that has made you the way you are. I don't think you should blame yourself or see yourself as a burden.

    Your friends may be able to tell that you are depressed or ill. Often times people get abandoned when they need help the most, because society doesn't know how to deal with people who are in need, and people just act selfishly.

    I wonder if you could have rapid cycling bipolar or something.

    idk if you are getting meds or therapy, but both might be good for you

    I wonder if you could live with a relative instead of your parents? sounds like you should be getting some disability assistance of some kind. I don't know the system in the uk. maybe ask golden psych

    hey I hope that things get better for you!
  6. LonerForever

    LonerForever Well-Known Member

    I blame myself because unfortunately, I feel I must. I get abuse and I got bullied for a reason and I can't bring myself to believe that all those people who did that were just pathetic. I feel there must be something wrong with me.

    I have lost so many people through this that now it has gotten to the point where I have stopped telling them anything that goes on in my life. Better to keep them :/ I haven't gotten any professional help yet but I plan to in the next few weeks.

    I don't have any other relatives I could stay with, at least none I trust. A few years ago shortly after my Nana died there was a massive argument between the whole family. We all split up and haven't contacted each other since. My parents, however abusive they may be, are the only people I have :(

    Thank you
  7. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    oh, you're welcome!

    a lot of people get bullied and abused. I know that it seems to you that it must have been your fault, but I don't think that is true.

    It is unfortunately, the way of the world that the innocent suffer. Nice people just make easy targets, and there is nothing a bully likes better than an easy target. I think what you may not understand here is that typically people get angry at and attack someone not because they have done something wrong, but rather because they take pleasure in hurting someone. It's just that they are afraid of hurting someone who might hurt them back, and so, unfortunately, they attack the one who is most harmless. It's horrible and wrong, but people do horrible and wrong things anyway.

    Steven, if only you knew how beautiful you are on the inside. You deserve so much better than the way you have been treated. I hope you are able to get help and that things get better soon!

    :hug: :hug: :hug:

    :console: :console:
  8. LonerForever

    LonerForever Well-Known Member

    Why can't I be normal :/ Then again, whats normal lol
  9. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I think that you can get much better
  10. herenow

    herenow Well-Known Member

    to me it sounds like you're problem is very legitmate, hearing voices is awful, I've heard em before. I hope you'll be ok and everything, I don't hear voices anymore.
  11. LonerForever

    LonerForever Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I've cut again.. Got around 7 new scars :/ I'm sorry
  12. Tiny

    Tiny Member

    I was heavily oral abused and slightly physical abused by my dad as well when I was 8/9 years old. My mom did nothing to stop it. I totally understand how you feel. When I grew up, I realized that the problem is not me. My dad had his own problem, and instead of being responsible or selfawared and confront the problems, he turned to me. That's a coward behaviour. Also he learned how to treat his kid from his parents. That was a bad cycle. He didn't know it was wrong to do so because they were inexperienced to be parents. When time passed, and we grew up, it was too late because damage had been done.

    Although you can not go back to change the history, you can make yourself understand this is not your fault. It is their fault. You are a normal person, and didn't do anything wrong. There are a lot for you to look forward to in the future. for instance, you can stop this bad cycle when you have kids and give them a happy childhood they deserve. I believe there are also stuff you want to do for youself, right? or maybe for other people. You can make a difference. So, try to get well, it might take some time. And I am sure you can do it. I tried, and on the way to recover. You are welcome to join me, and we can recover together. give each other strength when needed. Cheers!
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