Can't do this anymore

[Lisa83]

I have posted before and I have been trying really hard to keep going. For several weeks I was feeling chronic high anxiety. Then all of a sudden it stopped. It just felt like a switch was flipped and I felt completely detached. I just totally shut down. I started staying in bed all day and didn't want to talk to anyone at all. Every time I think of moving forward all I can see are problems. I just want out. I can't take anymore. I have been feeling like dying for quite a few years now. I even took an entire year off work to try to heal but nothing has changed in that year. I'm ready to give up and I don't know how much longer I can resist the urge to do so.

 

[Petal]

Hi Lisa, I really feel for you and what you are going through must be so tough. What did you do during that year while trying to get better? Do you have a diagnosis. As my status says, suicide should never, ever be considered an option. You have us here for support, who do you have in your life for support? ((hugs)) for you. I am sorry you are this low again, no-one should have to go through this!

 

[Lisa83]

Thanks Petal. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, borderline personality disorder, and ´eating disorder not otherwise specified'. Over the last year I have been seeing a psychiatrist, two counselors (one for the depression and personality disorder and one for the eating disorder), and doing a dbt group therapy program. I really like the eating disorder counselor and she has been encouraging me to go to the hospital given how suicidal I have been feeling but I don't want to do that so she agreed to call and check in on me between appointments instead. I have a boyfriend who I was afraid to talk to about these things but he did say that I could talk to him. But I feel like no one really understands how bad things are. I really have been trying hard with the therapy. I feel like people don't think I try but I do. I keep trying but nothing gets any better. I don't know what else to do at this point.

 

[total eclipse]

We know how hard it gets we do and we understand the fight. Talking here can help to relieve some of the sadness because you are not alone ok. You are doing all you can to get better and sometimes we do not see the small improvements how far we have really come but your doctor and therapist can see those changes.
I do hope you continue to reach out here ok