Can't forget it

[mpang123]

I'm desperate to stop glorifying my experience from my last suicide attempt. I need to stop it but can't. Wish I was successful so I won't have to deal with my haunting past. Not sure I want to do it again because I might fail again and be in worse shape. It's just my fear that's keeping me safe still.

 

[MisterBGone]

This just reminds me of why I never say to myself "things can't possibly get any worse!" I also know that if I make up my mind to go again, and blow it, I could be in bad shape. So, is there any thing you can do to let go of this, and move on, so that you're no longer romanticizing the idea? Perhaps some thing positive to focus on?

 

[DrownedFishOnFire]

Was it the rush of fear running through your veins feeling like youre at the top of the world when you attempted?

 

[mpang123]

Extreme anxiety

 

[total eclipse]

you felt extreme anxiety nothing to glorify hun just fear You need to focus all your attention now on healing on using your strength for the better now ok hugs

 

[mpang123]

Easy to say, but I've been struggling with this since 2012. I feel like just giving in. Tired trying to fight those thoughts. Just scared cuz I have too much to lose if I survive it again.

 

[total eclipse]

heel then rest ok go into hospital and rest until the thoughts are diminished some so you do not have to fight them alone hugs

 

[mpang123]

Can't be always running to the hospital for stupid shit like this. All they'll do is dope me up and I don't need that. I will apply my coping skills so I won't have to go to the hospital. When I see my psychiatrist next week, I will tell her how bad I've been struggling lately. However, my suicidal urges come and go so if I'm not dealing with it next week, I'm not going to tell my pdoc. Nothing has worked in the past anyway. Nope, going to the hospital is not going to help.

 

[cymbele]

Remember from your other thread you have a friend irl on FB who cares about you. I do too. Please tell your pdoc regardless of whether or not the urges are there - you have been struggling quite a while now and deserve some relief.

 

[mpang123]

Just don't know what relief I'll get. Just trying my best so I won't have to go to the hospital. There are zillions of reasons why I don't want to go to the hospital. If I present myself to the pdoc as emotionally unstable, she might notice my instability and make the judgment herself. In that case, I will go. I just don't want to tell her unless absolutely necessary.

 

[DrownedFishOnFire]

Good luck, can't you call the psycharist?

 

[mpang123]

Have to be Monday or Tuesday

 

[mpang123]

I just reread this thread and I see that I've been having the same thoughts for almost 2 weeks now. It's about time that I do something to help myself. I'm just waiting for the right moment, if there is any like that...