Right now I am at my witts end of what to regards to my career, over the past few years I have trying my hardest to get into a social work degree it's what i have got my heart set on and i have tried so many times and failed, some reasons have been due to not having maths which I can definitely accept as a reason and other reasons have been due references or technical side of my application. But the thing is i am seriously not considering applying for the 2014 entry (this year is screwed) and giving up my dreams, hopes and ambitions as mentally and emotionally it's making me worse. But I know deep down it's what gets me out of bed in the morning, it's what keeps me focused and it what helps me beat my depression. So I am catch 22, I know that if i don't do it i would probably end up doing something i regret or end up slowly killing myself with my old eating disorder habits. (Severely restricting to below 500 cals day, over exercising, purging and chewing and spitting) or simply go on a major hunger strike like i have done a few times since having depression. if i go for it the final time, i risk the not getting in and making myself worse or if i don't do it i run the risk of making my depression and eating related problems 100 times worse. (Im stable-ish on eating right now) I only feel like this because my life is a big mess right now and I have lost so much in my life right now that my eating problems are way of dealing with the emotional pain and shit im going through.