cast out by so called friends

Discussion in 'Bullying and Violence' started by the most boring person ev, Jun 16, 2014.

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  1. This may sound pathetic but it is eating at me so please bear with me.. or dont read doesnt matter feel lost anyway.
    So I have been a founding member of a smallish online community for about 5 years or so (gaming). In that time I made a few close friends, and generally got along well with everyone else.
    Late last year one member for unknown reasons decided he doesnt like me, fair enough whatever, but started posting some pretty petty and nasty posts. After a while I private messagrd and just asked to please stop as it is hurtful. He 'laughed' in my face and kept going. So the dispute turned public but sadly for me anyway since I 'fed the troll' I was the bad guy. Poor modding and I made that known. Anyway I took a break for a month but returned eventually. I simply ignored him and the peace was kept. Until last week he started again. Again I asked him to stop and no luck. I reported posts and got ignored. So I posted a public message summarising the situation and asking the mods to help (they are close mates with the other guy but I thought we were on good enough terms). So after ignoring the blatent cyber bullying it took 5 mins to delete my yhread and message me to 'man up and settle down'. So I left. The argument had gone public again but not one person defended me, not even a couple I thought were close friends (guys ive met and hung out with). I browsed tonight and the nasty stuff that jas been said in my absense saddened me.
    Now for the sad part. Im 31 and live normal life. But this hurts so bad, I truly feel betrayed. I cant believe they all sided (at least didnt moderate) a troll who never contributed a single thing to the community. I got no sleep over it last night and may not tonight now.
    Sorry I had to get it out, I havnt felt betrayed like this since primary school!
  2. I will say my closer friends had private messaged me and asked what happened but for not one person to publically stand up hurt. I dont know why they didnt maybe they didnt want to be marked as a pariah too but it hurt so much. I hate how trolls can just get away with this stuff, we can do all the right things (ignore block report) but in this case report did nothing and speaking out gets me in more trouble than they get. I suppose school was the same but at least the teachers could see right from wrong there
  3. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    the problem with these sort of situations, is that they usually esculate to a really bad point

    i've had this happen to me on a chat community

    i had someone from america keep sending me abusive messages, and eventually (out of all things he could do), he applied to be an administrator of the site justt so he could bann me from it. for know reason at all- he just didn't like the fact i didn't like what he liked!.

    and worse than esculating on the site, for weeks afterwards i saw his face everywhere- and i mean everywhere. now i tend not to see him or anything, but he still comes up in conversation now and again
  4. Wow thats terrible :( you really have to wonder what motivates people to act like suck @#$&s. I hope your issue was resolved
  5. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I would be the better person and just not respond. If the mods won't do anything about it then carry on ignoring, the person in question will get bored when you are not responding and "feeding the troll".
  6. In hindsight I should have, but going back and seeing some of the things people had posted about me (some I even thought were good mates) I will be better off never going back. Sometimes people just dont understand they can push someone over the edge even on a forum. Sadly that was my main non work or family social group (my 'real' friends have all gone their ways as people do)
  7. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    It does hurt, but there are lots of other online communities that you can join and make friends with. Hopefully you can find friendship here too :)
  8. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi ev, welcome to the forum. Yes, people can be abusive online. The simplest thing to do is to walk away and forget they were so called friends. You feel betrayed and let down. You either it fight or learn from the experience. You might be on a low but today is a new day and you need to focus on yourself. Sometimes there are situations that are beyond your on own control. Just keep posting your feelings here, as you need to release the emotions you are feeling.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 16, 2014
  9. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    Hi there. May i ask what online game was it? Or can you send me link to the bad conversation? I have quite a lot of experiences from communities of online games. Lots of time, people was against me. Then i learned to ignore them. Do as Butterfly says. Ignore those people right after you feel you are just being trolled. Do not reply to those people any more or as you know, you will just feed them. You are same old as me, by the way. I on the other hand was bullied in the school. Not on internet, but by people that was in my present in the school. You can't run away from them in school. You can on internet. Also i gotta say that if your life is otherwise ok, then i have to say that i wish i had only this one problem you have with the community of one online game. But i do understand that such behavior must be frustrating. If you want some fair and understanding friend, i can be that for you. Feel free to PM me. And hey, maybe we can play some game together sometime :) I'd like to have some friend at least in game i'm playing.
  10. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Sadly in these situations it is most often the person responding and not the person that instigates that gets the blame. Typically it boils down to the idea "maybe should not have said that but it was not a problem until they replied" is the thought process.

    That completely neglects the point that it was not a problem to anybody but you and it is not fair, just the way things work far too often where your response took it from being your problem to their problem.

    It is very hurtful when these things happen and I do not think you are over responding for being hurt and upset. The more difficult question is what do you want to do about it? Do you want to go back to being a major part of that community in any official way or even a participant? Once you decide that basic answer you can move forward, either to start another community using this experience to structure it differently so it does not happen again, to another community to make new friends and participate as a member or volunteer your learned skills as a moderator, or to try to re-establish and friendships you might have there. Remember, it is a very big deal to you, but it is not to them by the way you described. While that is hurtful, it also means it might not be as difficult as you might think to simply go back into your previous role but wiser and more cautious for the experience.

    I am sorry for the pain you are feeling and hope things get better for you soon in some way.
  11. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    I also wanted to add, don't consider people as friends, when you meet them online only. I mean not too soon. Well, i'm doing it myself but... it's probably wrong, because even though people behind the internet are real people (my father is calling it virtual reality, which is not true, since people on internet are real people and virtual reality is only a world that actually does not exist), these people may not taking you as serious friend. It depends on their life they are having, or simply their personality. And even if they can tell you sometime that you are their friend, it may actually not be so. They may enjoying talking to you, etc.. But when it comes to some friend stuff, they may turn their back on you. I experienced that a lot myself. When i say friend, i mean friend. Like FRIEND. Even online. And not just a word that only says "i enjoy chatting with you".
  12. Thank you everyone. Miraculously I fell asleep last night :) as much as I have a few actual friends there I have other ways of talking to them so I dont think ill go back to the site. Anyway as mentioned today is a and its really time to put it all behind. Thank you so much again
  13. Well I decided today, for better or worse, pop into my old forum and say hi (I was urged by a friend, a real life one who is a member). Within the day, the troll was back. Covert trolling. Posting stupid pictures under my messages. I dont care about it.but after much thought I took a risk. I posted about my issues. Respectfully. I have nnver spoken to any of them about it previously. But I hope to clear up why I got so upset. It was probably stupid (ammo for the troll) but im banking on support from others if he tries to capitalise. Did I do the right thing? IItwasnt a soapbox. Now im not sure..too late..
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