Practical Advice Chickens have come home to roost

[Maniae]

Guess I am confused about my thoughts. I remember suffering with MDD and my life was full of reasons to give up. Parenting, relationships/friendships, work life, finances, etc. Like everything was overwhelming.
I persevered through the SI.
No longer in an abusive relationship, children are grown and successful in their own lives, I no longer have friends to talk to nor do I have friends with issues talking to me, my work life is ideal for me, and my finances are stable.
BUT now I have this looming issue that stem from past poor decision making. I fought so hard to overcome my depression and now that life has seemingly got back on track, I have this life-altering issue.
In the past, this would of been the straw that broke the camel's back. But for some reason I want to overcome this as well.
Accountability. Although I was mentally unstable when it happened, unfortunately that's not a defense now.
I am struggling with if this should be that ULTIMATE reason that I possibly did not have previously during my SI. "Chickens have come home to roost" and I am scared.

 

[1964dodge]

it sounds like you have done everything you can to make a better life for you and your kids. especially if you weren't mentally stable at the time then you can't be held accountable. even so unless you are perfect that means that you are human. humans make mistakes and then do their best to fix them. it sounds like you are doing a great job so far

mike....

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

I see this is posted in the Practical Advice section, but I feel unable to give much advice without knowing what the issue is. I suggest talking to a professional therapist/counsellor (they are bound by confidentiality). Or to a credit counsellor if it's a financial issue.

 

[Unenthusiastic]

Sorry for perhaps sounding foolish, but what does SI stand for?

 

[Maniae]

Sorry for perhaps sounding foolish, but what does SI stand for?

Not foolish at all.. Suicidal Ideation

 

[Walker]

I'm not sure what the issue is here so it's hard to give any practical advice. You're saying all these things are better... but not telling us what has gone wrong (unless I'm missing it. I read a few times but don't see it) What I do see is a lot of determination and preserverence and those are good things to have right now. Do you want to say more about what's going on?

 

[Livelife]

It sounds serious if you're saying it's life altering and that you are scared. Especially after what appears to be a passage of some time from your description. Are you able to say anything about it other than what sounds like the desire for accountability since you are asking for input? Can't tell if the accountability is just something you are wanting internally or if it involves more......

 

[Maniae]

It is legal trouble.
The accountability is necessary. I've been an introvert for almost a decade and suffer from [social] anxiety amongst other mental instabilities.
I am very private and hermit-like. Thus, I would rather die than have a mug shot. I don't want to be near people especially those I don't know. Unless it is my choosing. I am germaphobe and would rather die than be in an unclean environment.
In my thinking, accountability in this situation is equivalent to a death sentence.
Sorry if that was TMI... but...

 

[Livelife]

It is legal trouble.
The accountability is necessary.

@Maniae I'm sorry to hear this. And I'm going to say something that people might find strange or ignorant or even wrong. But I know in some cases and situations if enough money is thrown at it combined with having a very good lawyer it can sometimes be minimized or even on occasion disappear. And there are statutes of limitations on certain things. I wish you the best.

 

[Windhover]

If you can, make a very simple list of what exactly the authorities are going to require of you, the mug shot, the unclean environment, etc. Decide to face exactly how little control you have over those circumstances. This is terrible however at least you are giving your brain a chance to begin processing what has to happen.
There will be some measure of return to control after you've gone through these experiences, and that is something to focus on for the hard days ahead. That is my take on what you have written.

good luck
- s

 

[may71]

Sorry if that was TMI

As long as you feel like posting and it's within the forum rules, there's no such thing as TMI here.

Do you have a lawyer? I think if you're suicidal or have mental health issues, you can get some leniency in how your case is handled.

 

[Maniae]

Thank you. I am also an avid worrier (boy how I wish the "O" was an "A" 😢🥴 (wait... sound good but spelled incorrectly...lol 🤪😜)

I cringed when I posted my reply @ TMI

No attorney, can't afford one. That's the other part of being afraid.

I've Closed myself off from the world for months now.
Afraid to be on computer, phone, I unplugged Alexa. Thinking they are listening and watching and I have no escape. I thought/think my therapist was working against me.
Door bell rings... I'm scared
Knock at the door, I am scared.

I find myself over medicating because I hate this feeling but then I can't function properly.

I haven't decided which is the better state of mind.

I love the work that I do and don't want to be without income but I am not keeping up with my tasks as I should.

I'm so fatigued and don't have an appetite but still take meds ☠💀

I'm lost
Sorry for rambling... meds make you sleep, meds keep you up, make you jittery...
What do I know

Thank you @ everyone w/ your encouraging concern
I do appreciate you

 

[Maniae]

I wonder if I am shielded 🛡 if I run for office 🤔🤔
The mute candidate
🤣🤣😂😂
Could never speak in public, no camera zoom call, just written campaign ads.
Lol@me
Ok imma try to sleep for a few hours 😴
Rest well everyone
Thanks again

Has anyone been romantically attracted to their medical provider?
Is that normal or abnormal?

 

[may71]

No attorney, can't afford one.

Have you actually been charged with a crime, or are you just worried that you might be?

Has anyone been romantically attracted to their medical provider?

No, but if I had a hot one I might be.

Is that normal or abnormal?

It's perfectly normal

 

[Maniae]

Have you actually been charged with a crime, or are you just worried that you might be?


No, but if I had a hot one I might be.


It's perfectly normal

I haven't been charged. I am worried that I might be.

I appreciate you more than I can express.

 

[Acy]

Hi @Maniae — I’m glad you haven’t been charged. I get that you’re worried you might be.

You mentioned earlier that you were unwell when “the crime” happened…and it won’t make a difference. It might. It might help a judge and/or jury be more lenient and understanding. It could also depend on the kind of “crime” it was.

Here’s the thing about “worrying.” It doesn’t change anything at all. It’s not based on what is actually happening, it’s based on maybe. Fear can be a strong emotion. It can be strong enough to make us freeze and shrink into ourselves. When we do that, we intensify our worrying because we aren’t looking beyond the fear.

Is there a way to check out how likely it is that you will be charged?

How is worrying helping you or the situation? Is worrying making you inventory all the bad things in life? How does that help?

What good things are there in your life right now that are simply good things unrelated to what you’re worried about? (You’re allowed to be happy about those.)

Can you focus on the present rather than on the “maybe”?

Is there anything you can do, in case you do get charged, to start making the possible outcome better? (e.g., You said you can’t afford an attorney…How about trying legal aid?)

Worrying to some degree is normal. Worrying that blots out everything else means we’ve let it out of the cage and it’s consuming us. If you can, get some facts. If you can, consider the questions above. If you can, compartmentalize your worrying — give yourself 15 minutes a day to worry deeply. If you can’t find a solution in those 15 minutes, it’s time to let it go for the day and seek ways to perhaps make the outcome better.

Give yourself a chance to do those things. Let us know if you can learn what the real chance of being charged is. Then you can deal with the reality rather than the maybe.

Please, look into things that might help you. That’s a better use of your time and energy. I feel for you and the situation. I hope you can take some steps to move away from this understandable, but overwhelming anxiety. Please stay safe.

 

[Livelife]

I don't know if you saw in my earlier post about some things having statutes of limitations, like a 1, 2, or 3 year limit for something needing to be filed against you. So one thing you could do for yourself that might be easy enough to find out is by contacting a group like legal aid or calling a lawyer on the phone to ask a generic question about what you think the charge might be or doing some self researching and could help to reduce your worrying about being charged with anything if it's a gray area and/or chargeable.

 

[may71]

I haven't been charged. I am worried that I might be.

If no one with the legal authority to charge you with a crime has indicated that they plan to charge you, you're probably not in any danger.

I like Livelife's suggestions about contacting a legal aid organization or doing some research online. We don't have complete information, but it sounds like your risk of being prosecuted is low or non-existent.

So if you did some thing that you think might be illegal, but you were never arrested or charged with a crime, and there's no criminal complaint imminent from anyone, your chances of being prosecuted seem to me to be close to zero.

I appreciate you more than I can express.

 

[Maniae]

Hi @Maniae — I’m glad you haven’t been charged. I get that you’re worried you might be.

You mentioned earlier that you were unwell when “the crime” happened…and it won’t make a difference. It might. It might help a judge and/or jury be more lenient and understanding. It could also depend on the kind of “crime” it was.

Here’s the thing about “worrying.” It doesn’t change anything at all. It’s not based on what is actually happening, it’s based on maybe. Fear can be a strong emotion. It can be strong enough to make us freeze and shrink into ourselves. When we do that, we intensify our worrying because we aren’t looking beyond the fear.

Is there a way to check out how likely it is that you will be charged?

How is worrying helping you or the situation? Is worrying making you inventory all the bad things in life? How does that help?

What good things are there in your life right now that are simply good things unrelated to what you’re worried about? (You’re allowed to be happy about those.)

Can you focus on the present rather than on the “maybe”?

Is there anything you can do, in case you do get charged, to start making the possible outcome better? (e.g., You said you can’t afford an attorney…How about trying legal aid?)

Worrying to some degree is normal. Worrying that blots out everything else means we’ve let it out of the cage and it’s consuming us. If you can, get some facts. If you can, consider the questions above. If you can, compartmentalize your worrying — give yourself 15 minutes a day to worry deeply. If you can’t find a solution in those 15 minutes, it’s time to let it go for the day and seek ways to perhaps make the outcome better.

Give yourself a chance to do those things. Let us know if you can learn what the real chance of being charged is. Then you can deal with the reality rather than the maybe.

Please, look into things that might help you. That’s a better use of your time and energy. I feel for you and the situation. I hope you can take some steps to move away from this understandable, but overwhelming anxiety. Please stay safe.

Stop making me tear up 🥺😥😢🥴... (smile) all that logic and practical advice. I appreciate you for taking the time to analyze my thought process and the relevance of my worrying w/o a plan of action for my unsubstantiated fear(s).

As long as I can remember, I have always felt that all the good and happy in life will be ruined because bad will inevitably follow.
Don't want to drive a vehicle because you might get in an accident.
Don't want to be in love because you are bound to get your heart broken.
Don't make friends because they will betray you.
Fears have prevented me from being happy for a long time.
And now that my life seems to be going good, I am waiting for the bad.
Not just with this issue.
I shall try something different, as you all have advised, and be proactive in this.
I do worry that what I find out will be bad though. But guess it is best to find out what I am up against than to be somewhat shocked with handcuffs one day.

Thank you all.